Hiding Away – Poem

is dedicated to uncertain feelings and insecurities

Hiding away

Is temporary decision

Suppressing the pain

That started nervousness

Created by individual fear

Or maybe the insecurities

Sometimes I wonder

Should I walk far away

Continuously hiding

To spare my sentimental mind

And defending my heart

By building high walls

That no one can catch me

It’s the best place to hide

From empty illusions

And vulnerability to cry

I don’t like being a weakling

In my or another’s eyes

I want to hide away

Until I see enlighting

In my emotion tunnel

There’s no one to catch me

To cope with hiding

I feel now’s not the time

Because I see unclearly

My wings can not fly

Becoming like a burden

My freedom divided

Between evolution

Of meet and abide

Heartfelt consciousness

It’s time for a change

But I avoid it

Because of my stubborn pride

I should be courageous

Yet, I prefer hiding away

From uncertain feelings

And the guilt of getting by

So, I wait for a resolution

But it will not happen today

******

Sometimes I want to hide away in my shell. After many expectations and resolving others’ problems, because I love to help my close-to-heart people, it becomes draining. After quarrels and listening to every situation of people around me,  my mind goes blocked. Then a retreat would help me if I allow it but I don’t do it often. Energy is an important resource. It’s not about a “half glass full” story, but recharging is a must.

Whenever I feel hurt and misunderstood, hiding away is a good option, and that usually costs me an end of a friendship or any other relationship.

At first, I look for the mistakes in my attitude but after a while, my thoughts tell me I am not the only one at fault for failing a bond. If the other side makes me regularly hurt emotionally or betrays me, it’s not good.

Then I become nervous and want to hide away from the painful feelings and uncomfortable truths. As a human, my logic can’t fight everything. It’s better to hear my feelings and accept them to move on.