The Answers Are In The Skies

Answers Are in the skies

The Answers Are In The Skies

apply

To Those Who Gave Up The Fight For Life.

Today’s confession will be harsh. I am not religious, and this post is not about the holy threesome or something. It’s inspired by Megadeath’s song “Foreclosure Of A Dream,” because it applies to my situation.

It has been a while since I struggled financially. The fight started in August. At the beginning of December, I went officially bankrupt. Depression tried to crawl into my daily life, but I persecuted it.

In my style, I drank wine on my own the night I found out about my official bankruptcy. Sharing my problems is not my strong suit. Avoiding the situation also didn’t help me. Through the emotional whirlwind in my personal life, apathy overwhelmed me.

I stood in a zombie-like shape for a few days because of the shock I experienced. It was a reminder of a similar situation ten years ago.

Many fronts broke me inside –  romantic loss in my life,  my child’s school problems, and the financial crisis. But, hey, I survived! The realization of my deep drowning woke me up from a  life’s dream. I started to build myself from the scratch again. So, here I go, sharing my experience with everyone who finds themselves here.

What did I do in that wrecking situation?

Listening to music certainly helped me, and doing puzzles too. But still, the simple rules I wrote down for my future money situation are: never owning to bank anything, saving 20% of my every income, and writing notes for the spent money. That creates the financial picture. Outside it, I use schedules for everything – from home-cooked meals to grocery shopping, and have reminders daily to reduce the workload in every life field. My head ran wild when I saw exactly how many responsibilities wait for my intervention.

The Answers Are In The Skies of personal activity, but not in religious awaiting for Universe’s plan. I also find out why I am still single, living my unfulfilled life. Action is the change key to everything. It should start sooner for everyone.

The situation made me inspired to do better. I wrote my new action plan, reorganized my priorities, and started to achieve more in my daily life. Thanks to the harsh financial realization, I became a new person without many feelings. Currently, they are in my life’s backseat since I share my finances and life with no one outside my child. That may change or not, but it doesn’t matter. My will is to improve myself financially and never be in a bankrupt situation again. Sacrificing my lack of financial culture doesn’t look good for me or my child’s future. The steps I took, I should do a long time ago. But it’s better later than never.

By the way, Robert Kiyosaki’s “Rich Dad, Poor Dad”‘ book is a great reading choice for lonely Christmas evenings. Tears do not secure the financial future, but they’re needed to ease the emotional pain. People should improve themselves daily in every way they can and know. I know that sounds cold, but after all the pain, I started to think differently. Romance and sex are good, but they will not save me when a financial crisis strikes. As a solo player in my life, I need to provide everything for my child.

The recent financial situation motivated me to do everything possible to find a way out of the poverty circle without losing my dignity. Going back somewhere I don’t belong is not on my life’s or emotion’s plates. Many people go for the comfort, love, or money of others and that’s a huge mistake. Standing on one own two feet is never easy and often leads to various breakthroughs, but in the end, is about the soul’s survival. I am grateful for my bankruptcy because it sped up many plans I put aside because running like a mouse in a daily rut.

The same goes for my love life – the financial crisis woke me up from the “Fairytale has gone bad” romances I had the last few years.  Almost nobody saves no one if there is no mutual love, respect, and business. But there are still good people even if they’re rare.

In that way of thinking, I stand up in the middle of my messes, go to the next job interview, and dance through life with a high chin.

P.S.: I will post two times per week – Wednesday and Friday. That will be until I resolve the problems around me. I have many ideas to improve the blog. There is a lot to unfold.

Quiet Applauds – Poem

Quiet Applauds - Poem and Cheers

Quiet Applauds – Poem

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About The Realization Of Age

Between the false

And pretty lies

I found myself

In neverending sorrow

That brought me back

To memories and lines

I drew between my fingers

I am not afraid

Of empty hollow

That once was

My beating heart

Now transmuted as ice

After the breaking

To find my time

In quiet applauds

I lost my feelings

Because there wasn’t

Even one sincere soul

That came to save me

When I did need it.

I used to be lonely

From all wicked games

That lately found me.

I drank my rose wine

That faded slowly

As my current will for life.

So many flirty people

Who were around me

Not even a single one

Came to try me.

They didn’t mind

To have the glass empty

With a laugh of time.

It’s like the moving sand

That eats the last drop of

My mind’s broken angel

Who was the savior once?

I thought is normal

When I am down

The closest one to feel me.

But there was no one

In the forgotten bar

Of shared mementos.

I have so many frames

With pictures that look like me

Smiling without a doubt

To put on a Venetian mask.

I maybe am not the beauty

That makes forever draws

Between the rejections

Behind the fear of cries

I thought I was not alone

Because I used to say it

To people that didn’t care

For me and looked for a better

A place to hide their irises

From my mystic looking

Because I was lied to, in a blink of an eye

By everyone – from friends to baes.

Tonight, it doesn’t matter

Because I went far and out

To search for the answers

That lay before my vision,

Staying forever close to the heart

People that used me for a glide.

And accidentally, I decided

To stay alone in my coffin

Of stolen emotions and advice

Because the pain sometimes is unbearing

I do not have more tears to cry

They all dried out.

I keep my living lonely,

With the distractions by my side

In Quiet Applauds,

I am officially on the alley that’s blind.

*****

That Poem is a long story short of my life until now. I often check Facebook’s banal thoughts on famous people. There are so many lies that blind human sight. But there is also a lot to dig into about them regarding psychology.

People should think because that makes situations easier, but sometimes it doesn’t help. Sometimes two personalities don’t click in friendship or romance. Then, that becomes a road to hell, covered with good intentions and rosy promises, filled with emptiness.

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