Behind The Confident Woman Lie Many Disappointments

is dedicated to smiling women.

Everyone likes confident women. But how many people ask how these ladies become the way they are?

Almost nobody. The male crowd roars they want a confident, positive, and smiling woman who gives comfort like a sofa or something. But giving peace to men costs many women many disappointments in their past. I won’t join the never-ending discussion of “men want that, women – this” or something because it seems sexist.

Maybe giving peace costs a  lot for males too, but my today’s confession is dedicated to the girls who try their best to please, without expectations, their lovers. That’s wrong because a healthy relationship is about giving and receiving feelings from both sides.

When a man says: “I do not want anyone to have expectations of me,”  it means he wants to be single and have fun around. Meanwhile, the girl who loves him becomes one deeply reserved plan taken for granted. It was a long time until I finally realized my heart’s truth regarding a similar situation. My thought was it was about unconditional love, which is something different.

There are a few questions about why women today became the confident way they are.

The confident woman became that way when she met disappointments that broke her heart or career. She felt like a failure but didn’t give up on depression for a long time because she understood that there is no other way out, except her moving on. No tears, screams, or pain will make a lady happy and loved. But if there is no man to love her, she should accept that and tries her best to love herself.

In their darkest hours, confident women were alone. Nobody called or tried to listen to their story.  Here comes the question regarding how the lady’s friends never asked how she was doing for a long time and the answer is simple: they did not care about her.

If someone doesn’t speak, message or call for a while, maybe it’s good to check on them. It should be like that, I suppose. But is it?

Every kind of relationship should be two-sided. When there is no second side, women go on their own, losing their trust. Then, they have nothing left outside of becoming confident in themselves since there is nobody else around to be proud of their accomplishments

I don’t mean people should do everything for others, but they, at least, should show care with their actions. Meanwhile, inaction is a choice to let go or slide off something or someone in a silent way. People call it “ghosting,” but it’s an escape. It’s a bit hypocritical but smiling at someone’s face and leaving them alone when they turn back is a hit nowadays.

Understanding the woman’s confidence through disappointments.

The most popular disappointment is unrequited love. The women start to think they do things wrong and are not enough for the objects of their affection. However, the situation is simpler: the men do not like the woman who likes them. It’s because they’re emotionally unavailable or have too many pretenses. After all, the dating world today, especially online, is too big and people do not want to commit since they can have various one-night stands to feed their egos and physical needs.

When a woman faces unrequited love many times, she becomes broken and expects every next male to say to her “I like you as a friend, but I do not love you,” “You’re not looking for me,”, “Let’s have some fun,” etc. In my case, my first question in mind is “What will be that time?” when I meet a new person.

Nothing bad with having fun, if that’s what women need, but until when?

Men are happy when there is no commitment and have one-night stands or the stupid thing, called “friends with benefits.” Maybe some women are feeling good about it, but deep inside they feel used. Indeed, both sides are using each other without understanding that at the moment. When a relationship starts with mutual use, it’s doomed in time.

That doesn’t build confidence in the woman, but rejecting a one-night stand before herself does. It’s easy for a woman to open her legs and gives whatever is needed, but the aftermath is a broken heart, because most females, even the coldest-looking ones, put feelings into the act.

That is the harsh truth and a big step toward the woman’s confidence.

Even so, some women do the mistake to have a one-night stand and think that means something to the man they were with. In my case once was so, but as time went by, I understood it was unlike and started to overstep my illusions about being with that man, looking at his actions. They showed me I was seriously wrong and should move on. That built a lot of confidence in me – through pain, I kept going to become a better and unused person, who has some level of self-care.

Another disappointment is that a woman stays in a hated job.

In Bulgaria, women don’t have many job choices. They should be government clerks, sellers, or housewives to fit the standards because not every woman can become a mannequin or pop-folk singer, based on her physical beauty and empty pockets to do aesthetic corrections.

Usually, the regular working ladies hate their job but stay there because someone has to pay the bills. On the other side, government work is stressful because turnovers, intrigues, and envy rule the office.

Right said, my feeling is like I am in a snake’s pit on my regular government clerk job, from 8 am – 5 pm. It’s good I applied for new job offers to work from home.

However, the lack of job choice and the inability to work something desired kills the confidence in every woman.  It takes a lot of time to become positive vibes again. Efforts are inhuman but it’s worth being inspired and looking for a unique life road.

Not many women are brave enough to risk everything in pursuing their dreams. For example, I know I should leave my low-paid job, but as a single mom, the bills await me.

Even so, the sacrifice of my personal life in the name of doing something I love as a part-time job, makes me calm and worthy. That is a huge step to a confident and smiling face.

Another woman’s disappointment is most men look at the outside beauty and are spoilt by their mothers.

They go from their mom’s arms into their wives and don’t take on many responsibilities. Most men are arrogant and do not care about anything else than their pleasure. The males want no expectations and have high standards since they’re a small number and feel hurt thinking they’re the only ones with a painful experience.  That disappoints the women and they start to do everything alone.

Once the ladies start to do things on their own, they separate from their husbands and go out with their children out of the family home and become independent.

In Bulgaria, every third of women is alone, and around 50 % of the women are single mothers, living with their parents or in poverty because the finances are tight. That builds confidence because there is no other option except to learn skills in a challenging way since men do not like women with children. Fighting for the child’s well-being should not be underrated. The woman’s spirit becomes different and certainly confident.

The biggest disappointment that builds the strongest confidence is hypocrisy.

Wounds from a one-sided romance, soul, and job failures heal with time, becoming great life lessons. But, the betrayal of close-to-heart people kills the trust forever. Many people use others for their interests. It’s a trend that will stay forever because it’s in human nature. There are not many kind people who do not use or lie to others. Parents, siblings, and friends are not the way they have been before. Many women find comfort in their soul-chosen families like a therapist, manicurist, coiffeur, kind stranger, or the only best friend from childhood who proved trustworthy.

The most powerful boost for a confident woman is the number of betrayals she had from friends, lovers, and family members.  When the trust is broken, the lady understands she has only herself to build up.  She fears deeply opening her heart. If there is not a patient and pure person to prove they can be trusted, the woman continues her life journey with confidence and a smile on her own.

That lady attracts many admirers and rejects them because she feels by her experience who is true or not. A confident woman will never be with someone, who wants no expectations from him, nor she will be a second mother of a man-child or physically used. She will never be with a person who betrayed her in any kind of relationship. It’s the classic saying: “Better alone than in bad company.”

Behind the smile of a confident woman lies a lot of emotional and physical pain created by the disappointments she received when she gave her everything to people who didn’t appreciate her. A lady like that can be healed and won with sincere interest and pure love, which are seldom.