One Sided Archives - "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts"

That question always made me wonder. It is of great significance for men and women. Relationships between people are complicated.

When we speak about love relationships, especially unrequited, feelings the situation becomes more complex.

“Why not me?” is always the first question when we see we fall for someone who is cold and distant toward us or gives mixed signals.

Since I have rich experience in overthinking the “Why not me?” question because my unrequited loves are a crowd, I will try to answer it sincerely. It may help all who take the time to read what I have written, and they can find themselves in my words.
The bright side of one-sided love is that every time a person gets rejected, that becomes expected, and it doesn’t hurt too much.

Sometimes it is funny how people that reject you try to play innocent.

They show they are worried, but indeed they are not. Of all rejecting lines, the most popular is “I see you as a friend” or “I do not love you as more than a friend”.

Both sentences are hypocritical because why do people flirt with just a friend?

They should say they do not like you, hurt others hard, and make them move on with their dignity and honor. People need to walk away gracefully from those who cause them pain. The friendship story’s crap people tell because of politeness.

But that politeness will not save a person’s heart from breaking. There is a big difference between friendship and love, in my opinion. Friends can become lovers, but lovers back to friends rarely.
In the case of rejection of a friend in the first stages of falling in love, it is possible to become a strong friendship after some time apart, when the rejected person heals.

The pain of rejection is intoxicating and a wake-up call.

There is a pearl of old wisdom “What doesn’t kill you, make you stronger” – and it is just like that. As soon as people walk away from the unrequited love, they become persons with a stronger mentality. I know it is hard to let go of someone who liked or loved deeply, but the ties with the one-sided love should cut at least for a while until the mind and heart calm down.

After all, at the end of life, people have only themselves. Throughout the life journey, the persons should be the best version of themselves toward other humans and living beings. Giving as much kindness as people should not be for the price of self-sacrifice. After all, self-worth attracts love and understanding.

Now, let’s see the “Why not me?” question’s reasons:

Not ready for a relationship;

Not over the ex-lover or loving someone else;

Lack of will to deal with another’s personal feelings;

Not being ready for a relationship;

In today’s life, that situation is the most common reason to not step into a relationship. Many people are obsessed with their work and problems with their parents or siblings. Or they do not want to have a relationship at the current moment in their lives. That is perfectly fine because when people have no peace of mind or clear vision of what they want, a relationship may make them more uncertain. A forced relationship just because to be in a relationship is a bad idea.

Currently, I do not need a relationship too. Many people should first collect themselves from the past wounds and build their new hearts home because the purity of heart is all we have.

For the heart to be pure, people need to build walls first for a while to understand better what they want from themselves, their lives, and their eventual partner.

When people are not ready to jump into a relationship, they should control their lust for doing the jump because if they don’t, their hearts will be more broken than before. I say it from experience.

Last year, I went straight away from one relationship to another, and I ended up so broken on a deep level that I hardly can heal, but time takes care of me. I wish no one my experience, so I gladly share my piece of wisdom. When people are not ready to give something valuable in their eventual relationship, they should stay single until their heads clear up.

A relationship is giving, and inspiring the partner, not whining, and blaming the universe. My case now is similar because I finally found my “Why not me?” question’s answer. I can’t give any man that flirts or speaks with me what he deserves for a love relationship.

The reason is that I have more serious work to make myself a whole than to project my disappointment and drama on other people.

I keep myself emotionally unavailable until the time I find myself. That is why I block almost all communication with potential baes in the beginning. I am not proud of this, but it is the best solution for participants in the flirt game because if things go deep, I can’t jump into a serious relationship now, after so many breakups. I do not want to give empty promises or unrealistic hopes.

Another example I can give of not being ready for a relationship is from one of my male friends. He is quite ambitious about his work, and he sees the eventual relationship as a distraction in his work field. That is the reason why he looks only for physical contact with women, but after some adventures, he said to me he doesn’t want to make women pregnant and stays solo until he is ready to commit.

Many people are like me, and him at the moment. In that situation, my opinion is it’s better to not talk about any prospect of a love relationship, and not even think about it if people are not ready to open themselves to others.

When a person is not ready for a relationship in his heart and mind, it’s a high possibility of heartbreak.

Of course, if someone is too brave and patient to break the heart’s walls, meeting the worst behind them, the love magic can happen. But that is almost an unrealistic tale.

Many people do not go into a relationship because they are not over their ex-partner or love someone else.

Unrequited love sometimes happens because people do not listen to their inner voices but to others. It doesn’t matter if the others are family, friends, or elders. The pain of one-sided love makes people grow up and upgrade their emotional intelligence level.

Only when they are emotionally stable, comprehensible in their heads, and accept their intuition, does a relationship blossom. Even so, fear of the “Why not me?” question is normal these days, and it is a must for a person to mature.

There is a saying that a broken heart gives the best life lessons.

That is the truth because, without these life lessons, people stay like babies that do not know how to take steps, and always will need someone to guide them. For the perfect relationship, a person should be imperfect but whole.

In That Life Of Differences

Everyone has it. The irritating feeling that makes you wiser and stronger toward yourself.

When love is unrequited, humans grow to love themselves more because no one else will do it.

Love can be found at different ages.

Some of them may happen online while others – in a surprising meeting in strange places.
It takes some time to release that the love is growing inside the human’s heart.
Based on my recent activity in the virtual world, I met one-sided love. That crush is far from the experience of being in someone’s arms, but it creates imaginary attraction.
The man I met, was charismatic and had a bit aggressive personality. He certainly stood out from the crowd. Women loved him for his individuality when the men respected him for his opinion.
I got attracted to him with daily steps and from our talks.
When this man was not online in the internet world, I missed his presence.

That made me realize I fell for him as some irrational young girl.

When he told me he has a girlfriend, that made me come down on earth.
My real life has not connected to his in any way, and the feeling of love was not mutual. It didn’t matter how much I cried because I felt broken.

Things wouldn’t ever change.

That man told me I should not be jealous of him and that he sees me only as a friend. But his actions sometimes felt like he is into me.
Today, I realize this all was only an illusion created by my mind.
Even so, I continued to be obsessed with him.

Because of this one-sided love, I lost myself for a short time. It was for good.

I knew the both of us could not be a thing, because of our different lifestyles.

That man lived in the night and I – in the day.
Idealists and romanticists often believe that love conquers all.

The thought of this is good when people are young and with no engagements.
The reality of older persons is different because they should think not emotionally.
When people feel the heat when they see someone for the first time, this is usually just lust. These things or people that are different make humans curious.

Why falling into a one-sided love affair is a good lesson?

Because this shows what people should not idealize.
The virtual love story is the seeing of the desired human.
Many people are lonely, but with huge pretendings about their partners or eventual dates.

In the real world, ideal humans do not exist. Virtual reality is something else. There everyone can be whoever he or she wants. In the online world, the appearance is fake, and so is the character too.
Whatever the situation is, even a virtual crush is a love story. But as the most epic love stories, online ones are also not meant to be.

It is said that when far from eyes, far from the heart. And it is true.

I wanted this man a lot, and he flirted with me too. Even so, we never saw us on video chat to check each other’s facial expressions. That situation was funny because everyone can speak beautiful words. With a lack of actions on the other side, speaking is like sugar-coated stupid talk.
The man I met never looked for me outside the game we played together. I wrote to him on discord, but he replied to me rarely with irritation.

Or so I thought, my intuition seldom lies.

I created an illusion that his game character sent my gifts because he cared. That was not the case. He told me clearly that this is just a game, but I am grateful he did.

It is always better to speak the truth than to lie and create more delusions.
So my short game romance ended badly. The man I liked left the game for good. I left it too and began to live my life anew.
Even if we continued playing, without communication outside the virtual world and with him having a girlfriend, this love story would end.

I am glad I met this man because that proved to me I was capable of having feelings, even unrequited ones.
I missed the passion and the tremble of waiting for someone. It is good I have lost my mind to become a better version of myself.

Sadly, many love stories do not happen because of different circumstances that can be overcome if there is a will.
People should have more rejections than lies with words and lack of action. That is the only way they can take a look for themselves again.