Management Archives - "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts"

To Those Who Gave Up The Fight For Life.

Today’s confession will be harsh. I am not religious, and this post is not about the holy threesome or something. It’s inspired by Megadeath’s song “Foreclosure Of A Dream,” because it applies to my situation.

It has been a while since I struggled financially. The fight started in August. At the beginning of December, I went officially bankrupt. Depression tried to crawl into my daily life, but I persecuted it.

In my style, I drank wine on my own the night I found out about my official bankruptcy. Sharing my problems is not my strong suit. Avoiding the situation also didn’t help me. Through the emotional whirlwind in my personal life, apathy overwhelmed me.

I stood in a zombie-like shape for a few days because of the shock I experienced. It was a reminder of a similar situation ten years ago.

Many fronts broke me inside – romantic loss in my life, my child’s school problems, and the financial crisis. But, hey, I survived! The realization of my deep drowning woke me up from a life’s dream. I started to build myself from the scratch again. So, here I go, sharing my experience with everyone who finds themselves here.

What did I do in that wrecking situation?

Listening to music certainly helped me, and doing puzzles too. But still, the simple rules I wrote down for my future money situation are: never owning to bank anything, saving 20% of my every income, and writing notes for the spent money. That creates the financial picture. Outside it, I use schedules for everything – from home-cooked meals to grocery shopping, and have reminders daily to reduce the workload in every life field. My head ran wild when I saw exactly how many responsibilities wait for my intervention.

The Answers Are In The Skies of personal activity, but not in religious awaiting for Universe’s plan. I also find out why I am still single, living my unfulfilled life. Action is the change key to everything. It should start sooner for everyone.

The situation made me inspired to do better. I wrote my new action plan, reorganized my priorities, and started to achieve more in my daily life. Thanks to the harsh financial realization, I became a new person without many feelings. Currently, they are in my life’s backseat since I share my finances and life with no one outside my child. That may change or not, but it doesn’t matter. My will is to improve myself financially and never be in a bankrupt situation again. Sacrificing my lack of financial culture doesn’t look good for me or my child’s future. The steps I took, I should do a long time ago. But it’s better later than never.

By the way, Robert Kiyosaki’s “Rich Dad, Poor Dad”‘ book is a great reading choice for lonely Christmas evenings. Tears do not secure the financial future, but they’re needed to ease the emotional pain. People should improve themselves daily in every way they can and know. I know that sounds cold, but after all the pain, I started to think differently. Romance and sex are good, but they will not save me when a financial crisis strikes. As a solo player in my life, I need to provide everything for my child.

The recent financial situation motivated me to do everything possible to find a way out of the poverty circle without losing my dignity. Going back somewhere I don’t belong is not on my life’s or emotion’s plates. Many people go for the comfort, love, or money of others and that’s a huge mistake. Standing on one own two feet is never easy and often leads to various breakthroughs, but in the end, is about the soul’s survival. I am grateful for my bankruptcy because it sped up many plans I put aside because running like a mouse in a daily rut.

The same goes for my love life – the financial crisis woke me up from the “Fairytale has gone bad” romances I had the last few years. Almost nobody saves no one if there is no mutual love, respect, and business. But there are still good people even if they’re rare.

In that way of thinking, I stand up in the middle of my messes, go to the next job interview, and dance through life with a high chin.

P.S.: I will post two times per week – Wednesday and Friday. That will be until I resolve the problems around me. I have many ideas to improve the blog. There is a lot to unfold.

Society always claims single parents. The separated partner with a kid meets a lot of hardships and lacks support. I take personal the question about single moms because I see it as discrimination.

It is hard for a woman to decide to leave the father of her child. If the climate at home is full of emotional, verbal, or physical abuse, these problems need to be resolved immediately. That situation is unhealthy for both partners in a relationship, and for the kid is a destructive emotion.

If the father takes no part in the engagements around the child and doesn’t care for the mother, this is not a good sign. The family begins to crumble.

The mother decides to leave or not the father for years. She overthinks everything. When she leaves the broken home with the kid, she faces many hardships – finances, emotions, solitude, and unacceptance.

The relationships between parents are the basis one kid has to build own family in the future. If the man or the woman doesn’t treat each other with love, care, and respect, the kid will do the same when it is an adult.

For example: if the man abuses the woman in a verbal, emotional, or physical way, the son will think that is normal in the relationship. If the kid is female, she will see the abuse l toward her in her future marriage as the norm.

Some mothers got beaten up by their husbands and son at the same time. Because the kid thinks it is a proper way to show his love. He saw that after all from his father.

The women often stay in relationships with their men because of the child or economic reasons. Generally speaking, that, in my opinion, is low self-esteem and cowardly.

The truth is that children always prefer to see their parents happy, even single. Other situation makes the family unhappy, but together in quarrels. Children cry from this situation and feel like they are at fault. Whatever speech parents use, actions always show the truth.

Reasons for the moms to leave the unhappy relationship after many years of thinking are few.

No actions by the man for anything
Feeling like an unwanted piece of trash in isolation
The relationship doesn’t develop and becomes routine.
No equal partnership in obligations for home and kid care
No activities together as a family
They are fed up to be slaves for men’s every wish
Lack of self-development because of no personal time
No build-up between both partners

When a woman observes that her husband does no action for anything, she is highly disappointed. Once, at the first stages of courtship and moving in together, the man acted a lot regarding support and everything related to the couple’s life. With years gone by and no quality communication, and sincere support, he took her for granted.

The lack of physical, emotional, and intellectual communication to build a strong personality bond makes the woman feel like an unwanted piece of trash in isolation. Once hit that phase, it is a matter of time for the woman to leave the man if he doesn’t do anything.

All people need to feel treasured, appreciated, and respected for who they are.

Women need special attention all the time because they are more into words and emotions than men. Of course, the words should be proved by actions. The same goes for the women toward their men too.

With this phase not resolved, The relationship doesn’t develop and becomes routine. Once the bad feelings of both partners in the family are not solved, the relationship dies. It becomes dull and groovy without a single spark. That situation may lead to mutual love affairs, and the partners will not even feel bad about it.

That makes the woman feel alone in the relationship. She feels like she fights alone for the family. That makes her more distant from her partner. She stops caring for her needs and gives all she got to her kid. That leads to forgetting the partner.

In most cases, this equality in the relationship misses, and the woman does the first steps to go out of it. Let me ask you if you do everything on your own at home, but saying to society you have a partner that does nothing, is that fair to you as a person? The man also can feel that way, but usually, women wear the cross of most obligations on their shoulders.

When there is a child, both parents should participate in taking care of it. But they can do it properly only if the two partners are in tune, feel love, and have deep respect toward each other.

This situation leads to a so-called fake family, in my opinion. No activities together as a family are just random meetings of people who think they are something more. Family trips, picnics, and genuine celebrations are also strengthening the family bond between all family members. But this bond starts first with both parents. If they are not in a deep emotional relationship, it is a matter of time for the fake family to split up, and the kid to stay with the one parent.

Do not get me wrong when I say I am a feminist, but I do not hate men. Sometimes husbands have too many desires and want every single of them to realize immediately. They treat their wives as slaves. That is not good.

Women are human beings and have their limits, patience, dignity, and self-esteem. They also do not like mind games, to be obsessed and controlled. Husbands should treat respectfully the wife. The men often forget how to do that.

Another strong reason for the women to move out of the unfulfilling relationship is the lack of self-development because of no personal time. Everyone needs to self-develop. That is very true for moms in long-term relationships and marriages.

That is the biggest motivation two people have to be in a relationship and move in together. If there is a build-up between the two persons when they go through hardships of life, their union can be long-lasting. The support between a man, and a woman, is based on trust. It proves in the first months of their life together.

I will not lie if I say that staying on your own as a mom is a lonely activity. Women have only their kids, and they understand fully that the only true and unconditional love is between the parent and the child.

Of course, there is always a price to staying the way that woman is. The price is usually loneliness and being single for a very long time. It is a well-known fact that men do not want women with kids for a family.

Single moms have no time to date too much, and they are careful in choosing the man they date. Most moms date online because they have limited time to use social media. There are usually two groups of men that show interest in single moms:

Younger ones look only for a physical relationship without commitment
Older men with their kids that look for a mom for the kids

Both groups of potential partners for single moms have their pros and cons. Dating men’s limit was set by the woman with a child based on her needs. She is smart enough to avoid men who aren’t clear about what they want or give mixed signals.

In both scenarios, the single mom has a short time to decide what she wants and to be transparent in her relationships between dates, children, and the ex-partner.

In most situations, when the parents separate, there is co-parenting. A certain amount of time spent is between the father and the mother.

There rarely will be someone else to catch you when you fall. And the woman should take good care of her child. She needs to learn to take care of herself without expecting someone else to do it.

Nobody needs to feel less important than she is. No one has the right to insult, abuse, or lie to the other partner.

Sources:

10 Things Single Moms Want You To Know – https://mom.com/momlife/things-single-moms-want-you-to-know

12 Reasons Dating as a Single Mom is Better – Single Moms by Choice, Infertility and Egg Donors – https://motherhoodreimagined.com/dating-as-a-single-mom-by-choice/

The Truth about being a single mother – https://www.thebump.com/a/truth-about-being-single-mother