It seems I am like the other lovers who wait in line.
******
Sometimes I wish to have a real lover, who hugs me physically.
I have a platonic fan club. They admire me as a free-spirited woman and put me in their “friend zone”. Other men see me as a business partner, a great leader, or a buddy. The few, who wanted to hug me, were for the one-night stand. It’s not I complain about the lack of men’s attention but not many care for my imperfect personality. It seems my feminine energy is lacking.
However, to be the things males see in me, I am a loner and used to be that. Brave men who want to find and fight for the woman they call theirs are out of the world around me, but maybe they are somewhere else. Someday I will find them, or not.
On Facebook, I have read that today’s tragedy is that many people are alone from around 8 billion worldwide. It’s a sad reality for both sexes who date only online. That’s not the way to love somebody.
For today, I finish here because the topic is banal and my mood is far away from good. But I believe in myself that I will find a way to move on without a lover. Wishes are always good and someday they may become a reality.
Then and now, it always has been about choosing the personal reality. Everyone had someone they loved so deeply, and heartfully, who they thought couldn’t live without. But, when the relationship started to wreck because of communication’s lack, way too many quarrels, and secrets, even for good, one of the partners or both wanted to break free. Then the time to walk away from the loved person comes.
Through pain, tears, uncertainty, and a lack of courage, the period may take many years. For me to break away from my past relationships similar patterns of imbalance between giving and taking, took between 6 months and 8 years. Sometimes, I blame my honest loyalty on moving away slower than appropriate by a partner that shows he doesn’t care much about me because I am not his priority. Sticking by a man’s side in silence has its flaws. That will not change in my case because when I choose someone, it’s forever, even if he breaks up my heart. It’s the way I will not change because it’s a part of my personality.
However, that gave me a lot of love for other people from distance. It’s not bad though. May the Universe give my positive energy to everyone I have met.
Someday, the love boomerang may come back to me.
Why walking away from a loved person is challenging?
Usually, Lovers like to spend a lot of time together – on the phone or in person, not so much on messages. From the first month of the relationship starts to get clear where the dating will go. Intuition never lies, but people don’t listen to it because of their rose-colored glasses while having butterflies in their stomachs. Depending on the emotions, people start to understand better what they have to give and receive in the new-formed bond first six months.
In my past relationships, there was an imbalance. I gave everything too soon and the men left me emotionally early – around the third month. Although my mind was clear, I stood along with those I loved, poisoning the feeling between us. I started to wonder how they even put up with me for so long time. Yes, they are good men and for me, looking at my past actions, I don’t have any right to complain. Walking away in silence from those I loved the most was my choice. They respected it and were happy about it. That means there was never true love in the way I felt and imagine it between us.
Avoiding the red flags because my heart wanted to be with my partners brought me no good. After my numerous deep introspection today, I found some of my past mistakes, but time can’t turn back. So, I keep moving on trying not to be a fool again because of my life’s perceptions.
The reason for walking away is someone is so hurt and uncertain about another person’s feelings for many reasons, that it’s unbearable.
The last breakup I had, was a weird dialogue. “How should I start the topic about us like a couple since I don’t know if the other side of the couple thinks it? I was afraid you break the bond between us,” and the reply was: “I expected that. You’re creating complications. Stop thinking and calm down. You don’t deserve to speak with me because you don’t understand anything. Bye.”
Who’s wrong or right doesn’t matter because facts and actions speak louder than words. Whenever there aren’t any, things are clear for everyone. I walked away from that relationship, even though I love deeply that man and forever will do. It’s about my pride and honor as a human. I’m complicated but want to know the truth and not be deceived by mixed signals. If someone’s time and efforts are unworthy of me, so be it, I will not disrupt anyone. If a man is interested, he will call, meet, and text me. I give the same in return. That’s the end of my current romantic stories vision. Everything else is procrastinating the breakup between two partners.
Walking away may look differently on the male’s side. They may push intentionally women because they love them or want to become more stable to enter a relationship. Even if that’s the case, they, at least, should tell why they do whatever or give a hint by showing interest and attention to their women. Otherwise, females will leave with hurt pride, low self-esteem, the feeling of undesirability, and a broken heart.
The choice to leave or not is important and gives different consequences. Will they be bearable?
Usually, the pain of leaving someone loved is because the relationship becomes stagnant, overdue outlived since partners don’t evolve as persons and couples, or both feel unappreciated. After all, they feared sharing their thoughts freely with each other. If people can’t express themselves in front of their lovers, there is no trust foundation and respect the differences. Problems are in the long-time silence, overthinking, or unwillingness to speak the truth directly.
There are many other reasons to leave someone loved, but the heart knows best when and if it’s time to do it. That happens only if people listen to it without logical analysis.
