Heart’s memories

Calm sadness to overcome it

July came and with it the second half of the year. I achieved many things, but not even one of these I wanted to make happen this year.

Time is ticking away, and better days will come to me. People start to dig into their situation when the first six months pass.

Summer is the time to love and meet new people, or that is what people say. For me, Summer is equilibrium.

First days of July, I cut ties with four men in my life. For a long time, I stood in negative feelings spirals, and finally, I got the courage to break them free. There is sadness and calmness in my heart and memories that warm my heart when I feel cold.

When people want something new, they should burn the old bridges. Right?

The person’s heart needs to remember only the good because when the negative emotions are bottled inside, that is not the key to moving forward.

But what about the negativity?

It stops people from living. I cleared my emotional luggage with the four men I held on to dear for a long time.

After releasing them in my heart and mind after rational conversations with them, I feel free, and my heart is lighter. I remember only the warmth they all gave me when we were together for years platonically, physically, and daily.

It was not easy for me to let them go, but I stood up on my two feet and decided it was time because my time was flying to stay where I was unwanted.

These men I can connect to my love life periods – spring, summer, autumn, and winter.

The spring.

He was the greatest physical spark I had. We started to write letters on paper when we were teenagers. When we met, it was an enormous attraction we both did not understand and made go further. I suppose he was my soulmate, but we parted ways. It was a romantic breeze that I did not accept, and he did not start anything. Over the years, we met a few times – same spark every time, only different ages.

Last night, we had a two-hour phone call and made clear we will not try to be together ever again. He said we’re too different in our living styles, and there is no point in trying. Maybe we missed our time. Love is abstract when it comes to year gap meetings. I felt calm, sad, and warm. I had the chance to have something like that in my life. It is a good memory I treasure.

The Summer.

I met him this year. We were together online for two months. I ended up because he is not at his age to commit or accept someone else in his life. His work is his lover. That is why everything between us was hot until the end. Love affirmations, deep talks, and feelings, but from the beginning, I knew we will not last long. He is too ambitious and forgets what having a partner outside the business is.

As a successful and hard-working man, he will always choose his job. Something I maybe can’t relate to. He even wanted me to become his business student to teach me how to invest. I did not want to learn investing at the moment, and I stated my opinion that turned him off.
And with his sexy outlook, many beautiful women will be around him since he falls in love fast.

So, I tried last two weeks to contact him to find out he ghosted me. He is with the next girl. I cut off with a painful chest this summertime romance, but I have warm feelings for the connection we built. He is an incredible example of a man that started from zero and became successful in his work. It was a good experience for me to be around that type of guy to understand better how his mind works.

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The Autumn.

I am sad for that boy because he was sincere but younger by many years than me – in his springtime. I was a believer before the age in love feelings do not matter, but I am not sure about that anymore.

We started to speak one month ago. It was funny, flirty, and innocent. I enjoyed conversations with him as I would enjoy speaking with a younger brother. Almost every day, he looked for me to talk to. He was bored at first, then interested and hinted he wanted something more of our texting. His youthful way of courting gave me a lot of joy, but I kept my ground as a mature woman. I do not want to ruin his life. Since I saw him as a sibling, I gave my full support and shared my thoughts. We were similar and with the same philosophies for life at some points. But, when he started to speak about the eventual future together in another country, I told him no.

As a single mom, I need to organize many things before going somewhere and starting anew. I should manage time, activities, work, school, and grocery shopping. For that, I need a stable partner that manages his life, not a son I teach how to handle different and complicated situations in complex living circumstances. I may be am not right, but my feelings said no. He was heartbroken after I rejected him.

But, it was for his better life – he will find a great girl and have a family.

Everyone deserves true love and admiration in a heartfelt way.

The Winter.

That one was my summer lover once – a younger person, perfect companion, and higher understanding. He is the example of the man all women want – a caring, hard-working, family-oriented, lovemaking partner that helps with home chores. He prefers to stay single and use the women for his fun, though, waiting for “The Perfect One”. It may happen, or it may not in his lifetime. But he has every right and ability to live that way because he always will be desired by many women.

Last year, we were together for four months, and I couldn’t forget him eight months after our breakup. Everything back then was deep, stable, sensual, and almost perfect, except he did not know how to love another person. He became my feelings for winter because, after him, I turned to IceCube in my heart which is closed now. With him, my emotional winter came until I cut ties with him. Maybe my iced bottled heart will melt.

He and I met online, and we were lonely. That made us closer and living in the delusion we have feelings toward each other. Indeed, I had them, and he only looked for fun. The amusing thing was I knew it all along. Even so, I used to believe that love conquers everything. Now I know it is not like that, and I am self-aware. We talked daily for hours and built a strong, unbreakable bond I always wanted to have. And I still do, but my heart is currently closed, and no hero will come and open it because I am in a different age of romance.

I tried to keep the connection one-sided for a very long time, and the reply I got from the winter guy was “he is busy” flirting with the next woman. He used me for my pictures and maybe used them for free porn or something. Men like him usually look for free sex online. I finally found the courage in July to cut him off. My heart is not painful anymore. I am grateful I had the opportunity to feel love like that. It proved I am right to think true love is usually unrequited.

I am not sure why younger men are attracted to me. Maybe it is my energy or because I care for my outlook. It doesn’t matter anymore because I keep taking care of my appearance. Women are beautiful at all ages. They should care for themselves because no one else will.

After summarizing in my head my negative spirals, I can appoint the pros and cons of cutting ties for the best heart’s memories.

PROS: Self-Awareness, Self-Esteem, Self-Growth, Personal Development, Maturity, Self-Love, Knowing People Better, Understanding What The Heart Wants, Feeling Enlightened, Calmness, Moving On, Gratefulness, Good Memories, and Living at Fullest.

CONS: Pain, Sadness, Closed Heart, Broken In Pieces, Loneliness, Trust Issues, Fear of Rejection, Indecision, Running Away From Living, Digging Into The Routine, and Betrayal.

These feelings make human life whole and worth living in terms of rebuilding and becoming a better version of oneself. Whatever happens, people should keep going because life is the only one to waste time in negativity.

 

 

 

House Person’s Complex

Wasting the happiness potential.

Certain people, with their actions, provoked me to write what I write now- It is ugly indeed, but it is the truth.

I like to use it as a wake-up call to people regarding their dignity and remaining honor as a part of their family.


I speak about a house person’s complex.

It is a sentence I see fit and applies toward house persons. I do not blame people who choose to stay home and take care of the household, but I find it highly inappropriate to cheat your partner until you’re home and are bored. I speak about the period when kids are old enough to care about themselves. They do not need their parent’s help anymore.

House people sit at home, doing nothing about improving themselves or their relationship with the other parent of their kids.

Usually, when house people have free time, they look at their phones.

They start to flirt online or play mobile video games.

They do not make something to develop themselves and the family’s dynamic.


I am highly disappointed in parents with kids that hate their partners but stay with them, using them for money. They don’t take steps to improve themselves in any better version. These house people use chats and games to fantasize about some wind-whirling romance, and they stop working on their own in reality.

In the end, they are left alone and unloved by their real-life partner. Of course, the one parent will leave the broken family’s relationship, taking the kids.

Is that not a high price for false online romance?


That is a form of cheating too. The situation will lead to worse activities. Domestic abuse may pop up, and divorce may follow. Kids will see and apply it in their adult lives.


The time spent online should be used purposefully on self-improving or caring for the stability of the family’s unit. Most people today indeed lead single-parent life.

But, if there is a possibility to stay in a whole family, and both partners want to work on it, there should be a better free online time investment.


I do not understand how it is possible to choose an online date, and then do your best to improve your family situation. I also had some online crushes, but they stood where their place is – online. And I am not proud, I have been there where many house persons are now. I understand the reasons behind flirting online, but I do not accept them to be the reason to neglect your real-life family.

Fantasies for love are way too deep in our current lives, but the truth is different. To love someone, you need to love yourself.


Currently, If I have to choose between an online flirt and an online course to improve my skills, my choice will be the course.

House persons, with free time, should work toward making themselves better parents and spouses. Looking for love online when you have chosen to be with someone, and have children, is not meaningful.

At least, the marriage deserves a chance to improve. If all possibilities for improvement between both parents are used up, then packing the bags, and those of the kids, come in handy.

The house persons should leave or try to save their marriages if they are not happy.

Sitting at home cheating with an online lover is pitiful. Either break up with him and work on yourself or stay with him, breaking your child and spouse’s hearts.

There should be a choice people make.

But, there can be not having both online and family love. It is disgusting and fake and will give a bad example to the children involved.

But yes, humans make mistakes and bear their consequences.

Even so, that is not making a person justified – it makes it look irresponsible.


My point is, the house persons should lead a loyal and faithful marriage life, trying their best to improve and save what they have. If there is nothing in that marriage to save, people better leave it clean and proudly.


Tolerance between marriage partners has its limits. Remember the reasons why you married that person. When the connection between both spouses has shattered, sitting and doing nothing will not help.
House persons should think carefully about what consequences will bring their boredom and time-killing choices will reflect in their family life.


Yes, it is true “Love is found anywhere,” but before stepping into the numerous outside marriage’s relationship, think first about what you want to achieve from it.

Do you have the guts to drop what you have, taking your children with you?

If you do not have the courage, strength, and will to sacrifice what you have and go on your single hard life path, stop until it is not too late.

My experience is by being in online relationships and giving away too many chances to my former, almost, spouse.

Think for the future and see the bigger life picture.

lf people bear the consequences of their own choices if they are brave enough to accept them.

Careful thinking about every step in the lives before and after separation gives the answers if cheating is meaningful for people’s lives.

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