Heart’s memories

Calm sadness to overcome it

July came and with it the second half of the year. I achieved many things, but not even one of these I wanted to make happen this year.

Time is ticking away, and better days will come to me. People start to dig into their situation when the first six months pass.

Summer is the time to love and meet new people, or that is what people say. For me, Summer is equilibrium.

First days of July, I cut ties with four men in my life. For a long time, I stood in negative feelings spirals, and finally, I got the courage to break them free. There is sadness and calmness in my heart and memories that warm my heart when I feel cold.

When people want something new, they should burn the old bridges. Right?

The person’s heart needs to remember only the good because when the negative emotions are bottled inside, that is not the key to moving forward.

But what about the negativity?

It stops people from living. I cleared my emotional luggage with the four men I held on to dear for a long time.

After releasing them in my heart and mind after rational conversations with them, I feel free, and my heart is lighter. I remember only the warmth they all gave me when we were together for years platonically, physically, and daily.

It was not easy for me to let them go, but I stood up on my two feet and decided it was time because my time was flying to stay where I was unwanted.

These men I can connect to my love life periods – spring, summer, autumn, and winter.

The spring.

He was the greatest physical spark I had. We started to write letters on paper when we were teenagers. When we met, it was an enormous attraction we both did not understand and made go further. I suppose he was my soulmate, but we parted ways. It was a romantic breeze that I did not accept, and he did not start anything. Over the years, we met a few times – same spark every time, only different ages.

Last night, we had a two-hour phone call and made clear we will not try to be together ever again. He said we’re too different in our living styles, and there is no point in trying. Maybe we missed our time. Love is abstract when it comes to year gap meetings. I felt calm, sad, and warm. I had the chance to have something like that in my life. It is a good memory I treasure.

The Summer.

I met him this year. We were together online for two months. I ended up because he is not at his age to commit or accept someone else in his life. His work is his lover. That is why everything between us was hot until the end. Love affirmations, deep talks, and feelings, but from the beginning, I knew we will not last long. He is too ambitious and forgets what having a partner outside the business is.

As a successful and hard-working man, he will always choose his job. Something I maybe can’t relate to. He even wanted me to become his business student to teach me how to invest. I did not want to learn investing at the moment, and I stated my opinion that turned him off.
And with his sexy outlook, many beautiful women will be around him since he falls in love fast.

So, I tried last two weeks to contact him to find out he ghosted me. He is with the next girl. I cut off with a painful chest this summertime romance, but I have warm feelings for the connection we built. He is an incredible example of a man that started from zero and became successful in his work. It was a good experience for me to be around that type of guy to understand better how his mind works.

Photo by ANTONI SHKRABA production on Pexels.com

The Autumn.

I am sad for that boy because he was sincere but younger by many years than me – in his springtime. I was a believer before the age in love feelings do not matter, but I am not sure about that anymore.

We started to speak one month ago. It was funny, flirty, and innocent. I enjoyed conversations with him as I would enjoy speaking with a younger brother. Almost every day, he looked for me to talk to. He was bored at first, then interested and hinted he wanted something more of our texting. His youthful way of courting gave me a lot of joy, but I kept my ground as a mature woman. I do not want to ruin his life. Since I saw him as a sibling, I gave my full support and shared my thoughts. We were similar and with the same philosophies for life at some points. But, when he started to speak about the eventual future together in another country, I told him no.

As a single mom, I need to organize many things before going somewhere and starting anew. I should manage time, activities, work, school, and grocery shopping. For that, I need a stable partner that manages his life, not a son I teach how to handle different and complicated situations in complex living circumstances. I may be am not right, but my feelings said no. He was heartbroken after I rejected him.

But, it was for his better life – he will find a great girl and have a family.

Everyone deserves true love and admiration in a heartfelt way.

The Winter.

That one was my summer lover once – a younger person, perfect companion, and higher understanding. He is the example of the man all women want – a caring, hard-working, family-oriented, lovemaking partner that helps with home chores. He prefers to stay single and use the women for his fun, though, waiting for “The Perfect One”. It may happen, or it may not in his lifetime. But he has every right and ability to live that way because he always will be desired by many women.

Last year, we were together for four months, and I couldn’t forget him eight months after our breakup. Everything back then was deep, stable, sensual, and almost perfect, except he did not know how to love another person. He became my feelings for winter because, after him, I turned to IceCube in my heart which is closed now. With him, my emotional winter came until I cut ties with him. Maybe my iced bottled heart will melt.

He and I met online, and we were lonely. That made us closer and living in the delusion we have feelings toward each other. Indeed, I had them, and he only looked for fun. The amusing thing was I knew it all along. Even so, I used to believe that love conquers everything. Now I know it is not like that, and I am self-aware. We talked daily for hours and built a strong, unbreakable bond I always wanted to have. And I still do, but my heart is currently closed, and no hero will come and open it because I am in a different age of romance.

I tried to keep the connection one-sided for a very long time, and the reply I got from the winter guy was “he is busy” flirting with the next woman. He used me for my pictures and maybe used them for free porn or something. Men like him usually look for free sex online. I finally found the courage in July to cut him off. My heart is not painful anymore. I am grateful I had the opportunity to feel love like that. It proved I am right to think true love is usually unrequited.

I am not sure why younger men are attracted to me. Maybe it is my energy or because I care for my outlook. It doesn’t matter anymore because I keep taking care of my appearance. Women are beautiful at all ages. They should care for themselves because no one else will.

After summarizing in my head my negative spirals, I can appoint the pros and cons of cutting ties for the best heart’s memories.

PROS: Self-Awareness, Self-Esteem, Self-Growth, Personal Development, Maturity, Self-Love, Knowing People Better, Understanding What The Heart Wants, Feeling Enlightened, Calmness, Moving On, Gratefulness, Good Memories, and Living at Fullest.

CONS: Pain, Sadness, Closed Heart, Broken In Pieces, Loneliness, Trust Issues, Fear of Rejection, Indecision, Running Away From Living, Digging Into The Routine, and Betrayal.

These feelings make human life whole and worth living in terms of rebuilding and becoming a better version of oneself. Whatever happens, people should keep going because life is the only one to waste time in negativity.

 

 

 

Why Not Me?

Why Not Me?

That question always made me wonder. It is of great significance for men and women. Relationships between people are complicated.
When we speak about love relationships, especially unrequited, feelings the situation becomes more complex.


“Why not me?” is always the first question when we see we fall for someone who is cold and distant toward us or gives mixed signals.


Since I have rich experience in overthinking the “Why not me?” question because my unrequited loves are a crowd, I will try to answer it sincerely. It may help all who take the time to read what I have written, and they can find themselves in my words.
The bright side of one-sided love is that every time a person gets rejected, that becomes expected, and it doesn’t hurt too much.
 

Sometimes it is funny how people that reject you try to play innocent.

 
They show they are worried, but indeed they are not. Of all rejecting lines, the most popular is “I see you as a friend” or “I do not love you as more than a friend”.
 
Both sentences are hypocritical because why do people flirt with just a friend?
 
They should say they do not like you, hurt others hard, and make them move on with their dignity and honor. People need to walk away gracefully from those who cause them pain. The friendship story’s crap people tell because of politeness.
But that politeness will not save a person’s heart from breaking. There is a big difference between friendship and love, in my opinion. Friends can become lovers, but lovers back to friends rarely.
In the case of rejection of a friend in the first stages of falling in love, it is possible to become a strong friendship after some time apart, when the rejected person heals.


The pain of rejection is intoxicating and a wake-up call.

 
There is a pearl of old wisdom “What doesn’t kill you, make you stronger” – and it is just like that. As soon as people walk away from the unrequited love, they become persons with a stronger mentality. I know it is hard to let go of someone who liked or loved deeply, but the ties with the one-sided love should cut at least for a while until the mind and heart calm down.
After all, at the end of life, people have only themselves. Throughout the life journey, the persons should be the best version of themselves toward other humans and living beings. Giving as much kindness as people should not be for the price of self-sacrifice. After all, self-worth attracts love and understanding.

Now, let’s see the “Why not me?” question’s reasons:

Not ready for a relationship;

Not over the ex-lover or loving someone else;

Lack of will to deal with another’s personal feelings;

Not being ready for a relationship;

In today’s life, that situation is the most common reason to not step into a relationship. Many people are obsessed with their work and problems with their parents or siblings. Or they do not want to have a relationship at the current moment in their lives. That is perfectly fine because when people have no peace of mind or clear vision of what they want, a relationship may make them more uncertain. A forced relationship just because to be in a relationship is a bad idea.

Currently, I do not need a relationship too. Many people should first collect themselves from the past wounds and build their new hearts home because the purity of heart is all we have. 

For the heart to be pure, people need to build walls first for a while to understand better what they want from themselves, their lives, and their eventual partner.

When people are not ready to jump into a relationship, they should control their lust for doing the jump because if they don’t, their hearts will be more broken than before. I say it from experience.

Last year, I went straight away from one relationship to another, and I ended up so broken on a deep level that I hardly can heal, but time takes care of me. I wish no one my experience, so I gladly share my piece of wisdom. When people are not ready to give something valuable in their eventual relationship, they should stay single until their heads clear up.

A relationship is giving, and inspiring the partner, not whining, and blaming the universe. My case now is similar because I finally found my “Why not me?” question’s answer. I can’t give any man that flirts or speaks with me what he deserves for a love relationship. 

The reason is that I have more serious work to make myself a whole than to project my disappointment and drama on other people.

I keep myself emotionally unavailable until the time I find myself. That is why I block almost all communication with potential baes in the beginning. I am not proud of this, but it is the best solution for participants in the flirt game because if things go deep, I can’t jump into a serious relationship now, after so many breakups. I do not want to give empty promises or unrealistic hopes.

Another example I can give of not being ready for a relationship is from one of my male friends. He is quite ambitious about his work, and he sees the eventual relationship as a distraction in his work field. That is the reason why he looks only for physical contact with women, but after some adventures, he said to me he doesn’t want to make women pregnant and stays solo until he is ready to commit.

Many people are like me, and him at the moment. In that situation, my opinion is it’s better to not talk about any prospect of a love relationship, and not even think about it if people are not ready to open themselves to others.

When a person is not ready for a relationship in his heart and mind, it’s a high possibility of heartbreak.

Of course, if someone is too brave and patient to break the heart’s walls, meeting the worst behind them, the love magic can happen. But that is almost an unrealistic tale.

Self Thinking

Many people do not go into a relationship because they are not over their ex-partner or love someone else.

They may even not know it or want to accept it. The facts are most relationships fell apart because one of the partners in the new relationship is not over the ex-partner. Or even both partners did not let go of the former lover. They compare the new partner with the old one and can’t accept the personality traits they meet in the current crush.

 Some people love routines, and they change them hardly. That doesn’t work in any relationship because people are different and unique. Adaption and acceptance is the main point in the relations. It happens that some humans use others to forget their ex-lovers. That happened to me too, and it is painful.

Competing with the ex-date is impossible because the current partner and his ex have a long relationship story. The new page of every love it’s written only if both parties want to write it. If only one partner wants to put any effort into the new relationship, it is a matter of time before its end.

When a partner is still in love with another person, nothing can change because feelings are not something that moves from place A to place B, and the heart is also not a thing that can order what and when to do something.

The mind’s logic doesn’t always win when there is a battle between it and the heart.

It is a big mistake when a person still loves somebody else to join a relationship with an innocent human who only wants to be loved and give all the love to the partner. Both sides suffer because the one partner always dreams and imagines things he does with the current partner to have done with the other person he loves.

The worst-case scenario is that the current partner knows the truth and stays in the wrecked relationship because of love. It is ruining. What I mean is when a person makes love with their current partner to see the face of the person they love.

Devastating, yes?

I wish not that feeling even the enemies I have in my life. It is like going to hell and back, losing all dignity, honor, and pride. No one deserves to feel or look pitiful. With one of my ex-partners, I felt that way exactly. Many other people I know have been through a situation like that. It is emotionally and physically burning on a stake.

I have a good friend who said to me that he prefers to be a playboy who looks only for sex because he lacks the will to deal with another person’s feelings. 

At first, I was shocked, but now I understand his point of view better. Many people feel lonely with themselves. They are obsessed with having a relationship with anyone. That makes them anxious and not good in their minds.

I have been in that situation before because the loneliness sometimes is overwhelming.

The forced dealing with other people’s feelings is also destructive for the individual and his life. When in a relationship with someone with unsolved problems, a person can play the role of mother or sister, but not a partner and lover.

After all, everyone has his parents and siblings, and they do not need to replace him with another person.

A serious relationship is when both partners are equal and work for the bond to grow up and become stronger. That is the main point of the family between two people.

However, many people like my friend do not want to play the role of savior, mother, brother, or cousin. That is the right way of thinking.

When someone plays a parent in a relationship for a long time, they lose themselves.

The purpose of a relationship is for two authentic persons to make a wholly happy and strong couple. Otherwise is not needed even to try to make a relationship works. That is what I think.

To have a fulfilling relationship, the partners should work a lot on themselves to make things right. They should go on that adventure with all they have. Dealing with another person’s feelings is not healthy and is not needed because it can become slavery, bringing no positivity to the life of the partners.

In conclusion, the “Why not me?” question has many answers based on people’s experiences, state of mind, or the needs of the body and heart.

Facts about that question give a lot of pain, but also self-awareness. In the unrequited love situation, it is better to look after the real reasons behind the rejection. That knowledge helps not make the same mistakes after the heart heals from the one-sided love.

The truth I can say for sure about my unrequited loves is that they were real for me, and I gave all to the persons I tried to be within a relationship.

After every rejection, I learned more about myself and what I want from a relationship. Of course, I felt broken many times, but I find peace in writing my feelings down on Wattpad because living in neverending love drama sure is not my thing.

Thanks to my one-sided love crowd, I am the strong woman I am today. I do not suggest having too much experience in unrequited love.

Nevertheless, I highly recommend everyone to do a lot of thinking carefully after every breakup or rejection to make sure what made things go wrong. If the reasons are in the person and they projected their uncertainty to another person, it is not good. If the reasons are in another part of the relationship, then the other participants in the dating have a problem with high expectations. High or perfect expectations lead to huge disappointments and a walk away from the potential relationship.

Unrequited love sometimes happens because people do not listen to their inner voices but to others. It doesn’t matter if the others are family, friends, or elders. The pain of one-sided love makes people grow up and upgrade their emotional intelligence level.

Only when they are emotionally stable, comprehensible in their heads, and accept their intuition, does a relationship blossom. Even so, fear of the “Why not me?” question is normal these days, and it is a must for a person to mature.


There is a saying that a broken heart gives the best life lessons.

That is the truth because, without these life lessons, people stay like babies that do not know how to take steps, and always will need someone to guide them. For the perfect relationship, a person should be imperfect but whole.

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