Sitting in today’s solitude and calming sadness, I think about my new road ahead.
I believe there are times in people’s lives when they overcome every past pain and start to look for a path from now on.
It has been a long and loveless year. I used to have someone by my side back in 2021. It doesn’t hurt anymore in the way it did before. Times changed and I accepted my thorns. There is a song I love to listen to when times are challenging – “Every Storm Runs Out Of Rain.”
Indeed, the reality is like that, but people understand it later on in their lives.
While I suppressed my emotions back in time, going from one relationship to another, in 2022, I stopped, growing strong as never before. There is a truth that after a breakup, the wisest choice to heal is singlehood. I am fully healed today, and that boosts my energy, helping me to find a new life’s path ahead.
I used to cry a lot, feeling every bad memory with my soul’s fibers but keeping myself busy at all costs. That saved my life from depression. I fell apart in my heart, but that way I recollect the pieces of it, creating a beautiful monument. The sadness was my main calmer and motivator that kept me going out of the heartache’s endless maze.
Today, I am careful who will look or touch my monument because I am not the easy and lonely prey anymore.
The beginning of Autumn starts with nostalgia summer. For me, October brought health problems for my loved people. The sadness I hid for a while, came back to me with full force.
A person’s heart has its limits and no more fighting power left. Distracted from the outside world, my tears and creative writing, in that phase, healed me from past sorrow. I am grateful they did, and I recommend when people want to cry, do it because where a tear falls, a light arises.
Sadness is not a negative emotion. It reminds people they are mortal humans who should accept the situations as they are and move on.
When nervous, people are not in their right minds and if the relaxation doesn’t help, tears do. Suppressed feelings come out easily through sadness, and there is the survival need to cry or channel energy into something that may cause weeping. When emotions are released, the human heart finds freedom of expression, which is one step closer to a reborn and authentic self.
A New Road Ahead
There is a saying: “The road to hell is paved with good intentions,” but I paraphrase it as “The road to heaven is paved with bad experiences.”
Wisemen often speak about personal paradise through the mind’s peace and self-acceptance. Not many wise people talk about the motivation to look for the earthly Eden in the human body. Coaches always speak neutrally about the individual.
Life’s road is indeed personal. It’s an unrealistic fact that people, who make out-of-box choices fail because they achieve their goals slower. Comfortable roads are not for everyone.
When the sadness goes away, there is nothing else to do outside accepting the new situation. People are learning daily from their emotions, mistakes, and unforeseen choices’ consequences. Running away from thinking about the results of concrete actions doesn’t help to grow and mature. Accepting them before stepping on a new life road is a must. It’s good to have a reserve plan too.
Every Rose Has Thorns
Red roses are my favorite flowers. I prefer to watch them in the garden, not in a vase because they die there as I will if I stay in the daily routines for longer than needed.
When I was younger, my father put five rose seeds in the house’s garden. Today, the roses are still there, prettier than before. The reason for their beauty is their thorns which protect them from outside invasions. The same goes for people – if they are not grown well or without their not-so-good habits, they will become as beautiful as a dead rose in a vase.
One person should be accepted with all the faults and be taken care of to grow healthy but without cutting the thorns. They are part of the charming aura humans have. Without flaws, a person is not a whole. When someone is in love, they should love their partner’s dark sides and be aware of them well.
Do you love your darkness and accept it?
If yes, you will love your fated person too. The negative reply will unravel a lot of people’s lack of ability to build healthy relationships with life’s roses. That is well-explained in Antoine de Saint-Exupéry‘s “The Little Prince” novel. Reading it at least three times in life is necessary to understand the beauty of living – as a child, an adult, and an elder.
Calming Sadness is the purest human emotion, which opens eyes and shows a New road, choice, or improvement ahead.
Thank you for reading, and as a background to listen to, and think about, I recommend that playlist.
That question always made me wonder. It is of great significance for men and women. Relationships between people are complicated.
When we speak about love relationships, especially unrequited, feelings the situation becomes more complex.
“Why not me?” is always the first question when we see we fall for someone who is cold and distant toward us or gives mixed signals.
Since I have rich experience in overthinking the “Why not me?” question because my unrequited loves are a crowd, I will try to answer it sincerely. It may help all who take the time to read what I have written, and they can find themselves in my words. The bright side of one-sided love is that every time a person gets rejected, that becomes expected, and it doesn’t hurt too much.
Sometimes it is funny how people that reject you try to play innocent.
They show they are worried, but indeed they are not. Of all rejecting lines, the most popular is “I see you as a friend” or “I do not love you as more than a friend”.
Both sentences are hypocritical because why do people flirt with just a friend?
They should say they do not like you, hurt others hard, and make them move on with their dignity and honor. People need to walk away gracefully from those who cause them pain. The friendship story’s crap people tell because of politeness.
But that politeness will not save a person’s heart from breaking. There is a big difference between friendship and love, in my opinion. Friends can become lovers, but lovers back to friends rarely. In the case of rejection of a friend in the first stages of falling in love, it is possible to become a strong friendship after some time apart, when the rejected person heals.
The pain of rejection is intoxicating and a wake-up call.
There is a pearl of old wisdom “What doesn’t kill you, make you stronger” – and it is just like that. As soon as people walk away from the unrequited love, they become persons with a stronger mentality. I know it is hard to let go of someone who liked or loved deeply, but the ties with the one-sided love should cut at least for a while until the mind and heart calm down.
After all, at the end of life, people have only themselves. Throughout the life journey, the persons should be the best version of themselves toward other humans and living beings. Giving as much kindness as people should not be for the price of self-sacrifice. After all, self-worth attracts love and understanding.
Now, let’s see the “Why not me?” question’s reasons:
Not ready for a relationship;
Not over the ex-lover or loving someone else;
Lack of will to deal with another’s personal feelings;
Not being ready for a relationship;
In today’s life, that situation is the most common reason to not step into a relationship. Many people are obsessed with their work and problems with their parents or siblings. Or they do not want to have a relationship at the current moment in their lives. That is perfectly fine because when people have no peace of mind or clear vision of what they want, a relationship may make them more uncertain. A forced relationship just because to be in a relationship is a bad idea.
Currently, I do not need a relationship too. Many people should first collect themselves from the past wounds and build their new hearts home because the purity of heart is all we have.
For the heart to be pure, people need to build walls first for a while to understand better what they want from themselves, their lives, and their eventual partner.
When people are not ready to jump into a relationship, they should control their lust for doing the jump because if they don’t, their hearts will be more broken than before. I say it from experience.
Last year, I went straight away from one relationship to another, and I ended up so broken on a deep level that I hardly can heal, but time takes care of me. I wish no one my experience, so I gladly share my piece of wisdom. When people are not ready to give something valuable in their eventual relationship, they should stay single until their heads clear up.
A relationship is giving, and inspiring the partner, not whining, and blaming the universe. My case now is similar because I finally found my “Why not me?” question’s answer. I can’t give any man that flirts or speaks with me what he deserves for a love relationship.
The reason is that I have more serious work to make myself a whole than to project my disappointment and drama on other people.
I keep myself emotionally unavailable until the time I find myself. That is why I block almost all communication with potential baes in the beginning. I am not proud of this, but it is the best solution for participants in the flirt game because if things go deep, I can’t jump into a serious relationship now, after so many breakups. I do not want to give empty promises or unrealistic hopes.
Another example I can give of not being ready for a relationship is from one of my male friends. He is quite ambitious about his work, and he sees the eventual relationship as a distraction in his work field. That is the reason why he looks only for physical contact with women, but after some adventures, he said to me he doesn’t want to make women pregnant and stays solo until he is ready to commit.
Many people are like me, and him at the moment. In that situation, my opinion is it’s better to not talk about any prospect of a love relationship, and not even think about it if people are not ready to open themselves to others.
When a person is not ready for a relationship in his heart and mind, it’s a high possibility of heartbreak.
Of course, if someone is too brave and patient to break the heart’s walls, meeting the worst behind them, the love magic can happen. But that is almost an unrealistic tale.
Many people do not go into a relationship because they are not over their ex-partner or love someone else.
They may even not know it or want to accept it. The facts are most relationships fell apart because one of the partners in the new relationship is not over the ex-partner. Or even both partners did not let go of the former lover. They compare the new partner with the old one and can’t accept the personality traits they meet in the current crush.
Some people love routines, and they change them hardly. That doesn’t work in any relationship because people are different and unique. Adaption and acceptance is the main point in the relations. It happens that some humans use others to forget their ex-lovers. That happened to me too, and it is painful.
Competing with the ex-date is impossible because the current partner and his ex have a long relationship story. The new page of every love it’s written only if both parties want to write it. If only one partner wants to put any effort into the new relationship, it is a matter of time before its end.
When a partner is still in love with another person, nothing can change because feelings are not something that moves from place A to place B, and the heart is also not a thing that can order what and when to do something.
The mind’s logic doesn’t always win when there is a battle between it and the heart.
It is a big mistake when a person still loves somebody else to join a relationship with an innocent human who only wants to be loved and give all the love to the partner. Both sides suffer because the one partner always dreams and imagines things he does with the current partner to have done with the other person he loves.
The worst-case scenario is that the current partner knows the truth and stays in the wrecked relationship because of love. It is ruining. What I mean is when a person makes love with their current partner to see the face of the person they love.
I wish not that feeling even the enemies I have in my life. It is like going to hell and back, losing all dignity, honor, and pride. No one deserves to feel or look pitiful. With one of my ex-partners, I felt that way exactly. Many other people I know have been through a situation like that. It is emotionally and physically burning on a stake.
I have a good friend who said to me that he prefers to be a playboy who looks only for sex because he lacks the will to deal with another person’s feelings.
At first, I was shocked, but now I understand his point of view better. Many people feel lonely with themselves. They are obsessed with having a relationship with anyone. That makes them anxious and not good in their minds.
I have been in that situation before because the loneliness sometimes is overwhelming.
The forced dealing with other people’s feelings is also destructive for the individual and his life. When in a relationship with someone with unsolved problems, a person can play the role of mother or sister, but not a partner and lover.
After all, everyone has his parents and siblings, and they do not need to replace him with another person.
A serious relationship is when both partners are equal and work for the bond to grow up and become stronger. That is the main point of the family between two people.
However, many people like my friend do not want to play the role of savior, mother, brother, or cousin. That is the right way of thinking.
When someone plays a parent in a relationship for a long time, they lose themselves.
The purpose of a relationship is for two authentic persons to make a wholly happy and strong couple. Otherwise is not needed even to try to make a relationship works. That is what I think.
To have a fulfilling relationship, the partners should work a lot on themselves to make things right. They should go on that adventure with all they have. Dealing with another person’s feelings is not healthy and is not needed because it can become slavery, bringing no positivity to the life of the partners.
In conclusion, the “Why not me?” question has many answers based on people’s experiences, state of mind, or the needs of the body and heart.
Facts about that question give a lot of pain, but also self-awareness. In the unrequited love situation, it is better to look after the real reasons behind the rejection. That knowledge helps not make the same mistakes after the heart heals from the one-sided love.
The truth I can say for sure about my unrequited loves is that they were real for me, and I gave all to the persons I tried to be within a relationship.
After every rejection, I learned more about myself and what I want from a relationship. Of course, I felt broken many times, but I find peace in writing my feelings down on Wattpad because living in neverending love drama sure is not my thing.
Thanks to my one-sided love crowd, I am the strong woman I am today. I do not suggest having too much experience in unrequited love.
Nevertheless, I highly recommend everyone to do a lot of thinking carefully after every breakup or rejection to make sure what made things go wrong. If the reasons are in the person and they projected their uncertainty to another person, it is not good. If the reasons are in another part of the relationship, then the other participants in the dating have a problem with high expectations. High or perfect expectations lead to huge disappointments and a walk away from the potential relationship.
Unrequited love sometimes happens because people do not listen to their inner voices but to others. It doesn’t matter if the others are family, friends, or elders. The pain of one-sided love makes people grow up and upgrade their emotional intelligence level.
Only when they are emotionally stable, comprehensible in their heads, and accept their intuition, does a relationship blossom. Even so, fear of the “Why not me?” question is normal these days, and it is a must for a person to mature.
There is a saying that a broken heart gives the best life lessons.
That is the truth because, without these life lessons, people stay like babies that do not know how to take steps, and always will need someone to guide them. For the perfect relationship, a person should be imperfect but whole.