So That Is – Short Story

So That Is - Short Story

So That Is – Short Story

Is

Dedicated to Virtual Breakups.

“So, that is what the breakup looks like” – Valery said sadly to herself.

“Yes, my dear friend. It always hurt before the new roads,” said Vivian, hanging up the phone – I come to you tonight.

It had been a long way to come to this story’s end.

Some people like Valery have not experienced a breakup for the single reason that they always were rejected.

The memories of his last words before the parting of their ways still echoed in her head.

Six months earlier.

“Hey, pretty, hello, do you want to be my game partner?” – a message popped up

“Well,” -Valery was hit in the head by a surprise – “It would be good.”

“If you do not want it, no problem for me,” smiled the boy on the screen.

“I do, but why?” she was surprised.

“How come why? Because you look pretty in this game!”, the flirt continued.

“You’re bold. I like you!” told the girl to the unknown boy

“Well, it seems you do not want, to see you!” the game character moved away.

“It is not like that, but we have no points for this yet.” Valery tried to explain.

“Are you sure?” a grinning emoji showed up.

At the same time, a message popped up. An anonymous player sent you romance arrows. The points between those two grew up fast.

“Wow, you are amazing!”- said surprised Valery- “But may I know your name?”

“It’s Blue. I want it that way. Everything between us will stay here, in-game,” told the player.

“But then why?” the girl did not know what to say.

“We will talk later, beautiful I need to go now!”, the mysterious person went offline.

That was the beginning of many weird happenings between Valery and Blue.

Starting the day was good, and both gamers played some time together. It was great until she met another player and got attached to him.

 Slowly, Valery forgot Blue.  Their relationship stopped going forward. The boy wasn’t online often and between different periods.

Four months ago.

Both players went on separate game roads. Sometimes they talked about different things. Valery bought up most of the topics. They were connected to her.

Blue always stood calm by her game character. He listened to her without understanding much. The man tried to make Valery smile and succeeded.

Valery fell for him, but she was loyal to her current game partner.

Three months ago.

Time went by. Blue and Valery talked rarely.

One night, he was drunk. Blue joined in the game and they talked together while watching the beautiful graphics.

Slowly, they began to write naughty things that led them to deeper sexual and virtual connections. The tension between them could hardly be explained in words. They couldn’t resist each other.

 After that night, everything changed. Blue ignored Valery.

The girl wondered if she looked like an easy woman or if he was feeling weird and ashamed.

The truth stays uncovered yet.

After some more time, Valery left the game. She felt lonely and her friends did not play anymore.

Blue still did not say a word about what happened between them. She thought he took her for fun. That hurt her, like many other events.

The current and unclear situation made her quit fast at the place where she felt pain.

Two months ago.

After a long break, Valery decided to join the game again.

“New places and meetings,” she thought. The girl was happily playing, with a different player name, when she saw a beautiful male character.

“Hello, do you want us to play together? ” asked the boy.

“Yes, why not? Let’s go!” said happily the girl.

Both players were happy.

One day they joyfully chatted when both players found they knew themselves from the last game they were in.

“Oh, my god! Is that you, Blue?”

The happy coincidence made both game personalities smile.

“Yes, we are good old friends, Valery.” said indifferently Blue.

This time they began a new like a game couple. It was a happy meeting, but Valery began to want more of that relationship.

In her head, many questions appeared, but she did not ask them. Valery did not want to lose Blue again. She started to misunderstand virtual reality and real life because of her pain inside. It was good to live in a game where there are no challenges and broken hearts.

Blue always said that she was a good friend of his. The girl never asked what the night they had before meant to him. She feared losing him forever.

One month ago.

As time went by, Valery wanted more from Blue. She became obsessive and in a stalker-like state. The girl knew that was not good, but her emotion of miss and uncertainty made her look like a crazy woman.

On top of that, Valery became also dramatic.

Blue never said anything other than he understands not well English and started to ignore her. They did not play together anymore.

The girl’s patience went blank. Her emotions toward him suffocated her. The ignorance and coldness she felt from him made her act vile and ignorant.

He did that on purpose to not break her heart and to open her eyes to the truth. Blue never loved Valery and never saw her as anything more than a game buddy.

She did not want to see the truth, but her instincts told her it was like this.

Valery became pathetic and stood in silence by his side.

One week ago.

“Hey, I am leaving the game,” told Blue.

“What? Why?” asked Valery.

“I am bored with this game, but I do not have a problem with you,” said calmly Blue.

“But what about us?” asked the girl.

“You are a good friend, and this is not Goodbye,” answered maturely the man.

 “Well, but you plan to leave?” the question was one-sided.

“Yes, for sure.” the serious tone was detected.

“I want to share something with you since you are leaving.” the courage took place in Valery’s words.

“Okay, you always can tell me,” Blue listened, as always.

“Well, it is that I have had romantic feelings for you for a long time.” told the girl.

“But this is just a game,” Blue maybe grinned.

“I know, and I did not finish with the talk,” insisted Valery.

Inconvenient smiling emoji went into the conversation.

After the prolonged monologue, the girl did, Blue sent a short text that he has no problem with her and everything is in her mind.

“You’re a good friend of mine,” – the boy said carefully – “We weren’t lovers before.”

“Okay then, I understand everything,” – Valery was very aggrieved – “I free you from me. See you!”

“Why?” – zoned out Blue when a message for a break of their in-game marriage popped out.

“To free you from me,” said Valery, sad and uncertain.

“Oh My God!” the boy was pissed off.

“See you!” continued the angry girl.

Logging off. That was the worst thing a girl could do. It was dramatic, unmatured, and pitiful.

It was too late to undo it.

One day ago.

Logging in with a burden in her heart, Valery wanted to apologize to Blue at least. He was online, and their in-game bond – was broken by him.

” Why?” zoned out Valery.

“Take care,” answered Blue

“Why did you do this?” the girl almost cried.

“I am leaving here. No need to say more,” a cold and indifferent answer by him.

“I am happy I met you,” continued Valery.

“No one can make you happy,” a sarcastic smile emoji.

“But I acted awful toward you, I am sorry,” Valery tried to excuse herself.

“I do not want to talk anymore,” – stopped her words Blue -“I thank you for everything.”

“I respect your decision and you too.” said the girl.

Silence. It was clear that a clean breakup happened.

“I always will remember you,” finished Valery.

Logging off.

Since then, she never saw him again.

Valery knew she was at fault for this story’s ending.

If she didn’t have expectations, things would never turn out this way.

Feelings put in something that people can’t see or touch, always fade away between the misunderstandings and the non-acquaintance with other’s people language and lifestyles.

The story could be different if she had her emotions under control and did not miss the part when nothing in a virtual world was real.

Blue did the best he could to make the girl not feel pitiful, and he acted like a man who cared about others’ personal feelings maturely.

He may be loved her in his way. But when there are no expressions of someone’s feelings, things go down.

After all, the truth never will be found out.

Blue probably cared for Valery as a friend. Or maybe he loved her but did not have the guts to move toward her, knowing they both will not work out as a couple for various reasons.

“So that is how the breakup looks.” – thought the girl – “I have never been on the side that people broke up with. I did that first. It was a good and painful lesson that I remember always.”

Vivian came running, ringing the bell.

“Come in,” said the girl with tears – “I’ll tell you a story.”

“Okay,” answered the guest – “I bring wine and handkerchiefs.”

 

*****

In conclusion: Nothing virtual is real. It’s an escape – from friendship to romance. Nobody wants to become seriously committed. That is my reason for not joining online dating sites. People flirt, speak sexually, and ghost others. Even if someone is outstanding, they can not be recognized. The virtual world is like a never-ending ocean filled with more frogs than fish.

However, it’s the future of the dead human hearts. But, until I am alive my try will be to bring back humanity.

Loneliness Is Inspiration

Winner is Alone

Loneliness Is Inspiration

Because

Solitude Gives Birth To Creation

In today’s world, many people are lonely. Some feel bad about it, others take it as a lesson, and third, make it their inspiration.
I am from the third group.

In my life, I used to be lonely. I am still like this, but the difference is that after so many rejections and betrayals, I choose to stay this way. Sometimes it is better to be a lone wolf.

Feelings are too fragile and can hurt people easily. But thanks to them, people become stronger.


From a young age, I was a loner. I have never perceived myself as a pretty girl or a beautiful woman for the boys and men. Or I may have been so cold and distant-looking. I am not sure about this.

Years have gone by, and I began to see it as typical as I walk on the road daily.
I cried a lot at the beginning of that. It was in my teenage.
Then I began to look at myself in the mirror and chin up with new power to create and write. The pain of rejection became my greatest inspiration.
I think nobody should sit and cry if there is a rejection by others. It is always better to feel the pain of being alive and dumped than to stay dead in the heart.


Why do I find this new kind of inspiration?

Well, there are things and feelings we can not change. Some people will not accept, like, or love us. But that is because the problem is in them and their feelings.
When between two persons is not chemistry and I speak about emotional one, there is no hope the feelings to be shared. The situation will become worse with time. Until the point when two people neglect themselves so much, that they even can’t stand each other.

Inspiration is to look deeper into the reasons why you got rejected.

f the problem is in your insecurity, you should fix it. But if the problem is unmet expectations toward yourself, then it is not yours.

The first time I got rejected was when I was on 11 years. There was a time I felt in the purest childish love. It was my first love. When I got dumped, I felt broken and depressed. I had so many negative emotions I couldn’t accept, and I thought I do not survive after them. But I overcame them, and I started to write poetry. My grandmother helped me with the paragraphs, and when I read what I have written, I was amazed. That made me realize I have some talent to write. I thought I am useless till then.


This experience can be called the start of my writing career.


After this, I continued to get rejections one after another. But I felt good and free because every time I confessed my feelings to different boys, I became more direct and more immune to rejections.
I wrote an online poem, then a book, and I saw my progress as a writer. In my teenage, I already got 2 poetry books in Bulgarian.

 

Photo by Koshevaya_k on Pexels.com


My last year at school was not good, and I got another rejection by my classmate, who said I am too ugly for him and bullied me before other boys’ eyes. This made me feel ugly, but then I was motivated to change my look and prove I am not ugly. I succeeded in this.
When we finished school, I decided to not have any boyfriends at all. I looked good, and I wrote great.
The classmate who rejected me wanted us to become a couple on our prom, but this time I dumped him. Well, all was just a flirt for him, and he found a one-night stand.


This was my school story.

When I turned eighteen, I met my first love again. We were more mature, and things between us went too fast. In just a few months, we become an official couple.
Then I stopped writing. It was because I loved my boyfriend so much, and I just forgot about my inspiration.
With time things between us began to fall apart. My boy was obsessed and jealous of me, and I am a free spirit.
This led to our break couldn’t overcome it for years.

Then I found my inspiration in loneliness and self-pity again.

Today I still love this boy, and I remember Nick with good, but I know we were not meant to be.

After I was again a loner, I decided to write short stories. They were so emotional that my friends cried when they read them. I was proud again that I did not forget to write.
Until I graduated from the university, I continued to write short stories. I have read a lot of fantasy books, and I wrote this genre.

Then I made a blog in Bulgarian with my works of Creation.


After graduation, I had plenty of time before finding a stable job. The real-life hit me hard. I went on around 200 job interviews, and only 5 employers were interested in me.

My writing muse ended.


At twenty-five years, I met my current boyfriend. We wrote for a long time together in a role-playing world called Marion. I am proud of our job together.
Then I moved from my hometown to the town where I live currently. I lost my will to write until I adaption to the new place and job. But you know, I am glad I moved here. I went on 2 personal development courses, and I freed myself from expectations.


My life is filled with ups and downs, but I always was saved by my poetry and prose writing in Solitude.

I searched for inspiration in every little thing that happened to me. For the things that did not happen in my life, I just create them in my mind with the eventual outcomes, and I write them down. This is how my recent poetry books were born.
Now I am broken in my heart again, but I see this not as a piece of bad luck but as something that makes me wiser. This is something precious that inspires me to write and share more.
I want to tell you that being lonely is not a bad thing. It is an emotion that makes you search for the reasons deep in your heart.
Inspire yourself with a different point of view.

 

 

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