Finding The Mind’s Peace

The last months were harsh for me.

With too much thinking, writing, and crying, I found what life lessons I had learned from the situations I bumped into. I am proud I overcame all that, which is why I want to share some pieces of my wisdom. Everyone can find themselves in my shoes. We all share the same burden of daily life, fighting for our private and personal balance.
The key to a lifestyle’s success lies in the mind’s peace and sincere communication.
I tell more about both aspects today based on my ordinary human experience. If I can do what I do, you can do it too.


First of all, as an introvert, I think a lot about what went wrong, and I wrote down the pluses and minuses of what I gained.

When it comes to an unsuccessful relationship, as it was for me, I wrote about the good and the worse sides of my partner and how did I feel. I also wrote my joyful and sad memories. That helps to define where you stand because if the feeling of unhappiness stays for a long time, killing you inside is a clear sign you’re not on the right track.

I know how painful it’s to break up with someone you love, but your soul cries out loud to do it because you do not recognize yourself anymore. That leads to self-hate and low self-esteem, and your love toward others fades away when that is present. People become nervous, depressed, and unwilling to do anything.
After writing it all down, the time for action comes. Usually, most people stay without action because they fear they can survive. It seems impossible at first. But, after gaining the courage to do the first step, things begin to clear up. Doing the small step can take even years but human instincts to feel appreciated are stronger than self-destruction. Right said it is inevitable to stay at the bottom of your life.

But, should you wait to go to the bottom and dig there, or should you try to swim outside the dark life’s ocean before drowning?


However, it was hard for me to adapt to the new situation I faced, in the first two weeks. But, slowly, I started to accept the weight of my choice, and I knew I was on the right and better track in my life. I visited many churches, and I walked many miles, thinking about how things in my life are and how they will be from now on. I looked for inspiration to move on in different things – numerology, astrology, and even talking with animals, especially cats.

By the way, it is good to know that animals are wearing angels’ spirits.

As time went by, I found myself coming back to the old hobbies that I had forgotten.

The disregard for yourself shows no respect toward your and others’ interests.
The well-mannered partner will respect your interests and cherish them, but only if you do the same toward him.

People should remember that when times are hard, to be active and busy to go painlessly through them.


Sport is a great option to move on – in my case, I walked, and I still walk, 7 km per day to free my mind from worries. My online Zumba trainer Irene says that: “When times are hard, let’s dance through them.” She is right because all people need energy.

When the brain is busy, there is no time to get depressed, and there is not much choice. Feeling the sadness and pain will not fade away from the mind, but they can heal with business. The broken heart also heals faster when people have their goals to achieve.

In my case, I wanted to lose weight, and I did it – ten kg down. Another of my goal was to start competing in international writing contests. I dreamed of that for too long. Today, I have had around twenty competition entries for the last four months.

All of that made me find peace in my mind.


Whatever you do, keep moving. That is the key to mind’s peace, because all the time you try something new, you learn a lot. You accept your weird sides and interests.

That is the key to being sincere toward yourself.


Once people accept their odds and curiosities, they achieve self-love and learn to give love to others.

Photo by Barbara Olsen on Pexels.com


After finding the mind’s peace, people become true to themselves. They could be sincere with themselves and the others they care about in their lives.

Remember, if you want to have a real friend, be real too.


Sincere communication means no lies, even white ones. They serve no good to anybody. Sooner or later, telling the untruth will be found out. Actions never lie, and if there is no genuine care between two persons, it will reveal. Usually, after the truth is found out, relationships of any kind break up.

Is it too high a risk for lacking sincerity, is it not?

In my opinion, communication should be clear and accepting. No one is ideal, but when two imperfect persons meet, they can make a perfect relationship by complementing each other in business and friendship partnerships. My companionship with my former lovers is better now because I learned to accept people as they are.

I do not put the guilt only on myself. When a relationship breaks, the fault is on both sides and their unwillingness to work things out or change themselves for the better. If people do not change, they need to compromise to keep things going smoothly. If people can’t understand each other, they should accept themselves. All of that can happen with sincerity and no false talking.
Sayings words that are wanted to be heard by the interlocutors also don’t work. It is a lie to say what the other person wants to hear. That is used well in trading.

But, is a relationship between friends or lovers a trade?


The main point of my post today is to make you think.

Learning the life lessons, staying in solitude, going through deep pain – all of that leads to a new you and self-love.

Take time, think deeply, and see, are you happy where you are today?

Are you true to yourself and your partner or friend?

Are you not losing yourselves between society’s or partnership’s influences?

Are you genuine and authentic, or do you play dual to live delusional you’re successful?

Are you human, or are you a robot programmed by money-oriented things?


That will give the answers to your mind’s peace and sincerity in communication.

Have a great Day of Celebration!

Why Not Me?

Why Not Me?

That question always made me wonder. It is of great significance for men and women. Relationships between people are complicated.
When we speak about love relationships, especially unrequited, feelings the situation becomes more complex.


“Why not me?” is always the first question when we see we fall for someone who is cold and distant toward us or gives mixed signals.


Since I have rich experience in overthinking the “Why not me?” question because my unrequited loves are a crowd, I will try to answer it sincerely. It may help all who take the time to read what I have written, and they can find themselves in my words.
The bright side of one-sided love is that every time a person gets rejected, that becomes expected, and it doesn’t hurt too much.
 

Sometimes it is funny how people that reject you try to play innocent.

 
They show they are worried, but indeed they are not. Of all rejecting lines, the most popular is “I see you as a friend” or “I do not love you as more than a friend”.
 
Both sentences are hypocritical because why do people flirt with just a friend?
 
They should say they do not like you, hurt others hard, and make them move on with their dignity and honor. People need to walk away gracefully from those who cause them pain. The friendship story’s crap people tell because of politeness.
But that politeness will not save a person’s heart from breaking. There is a big difference between friendship and love, in my opinion. Friends can become lovers, but lovers back to friends rarely.
In the case of rejection of a friend in the first stages of falling in love, it is possible to become a strong friendship after some time apart, when the rejected person heals.


The pain of rejection is intoxicating and a wake-up call.

 
There is a pearl of old wisdom “What doesn’t kill you, make you stronger” – and it is just like that. As soon as people walk away from the unrequited love, they become persons with a stronger mentality. I know it is hard to let go of someone who liked or loved deeply, but the ties with the one-sided love should cut at least for a while until the mind and heart calm down.
After all, at the end of life, people have only themselves. Throughout the life journey, the persons should be the best version of themselves toward other humans and living beings. Giving as much kindness as people should not be for the price of self-sacrifice. After all, self-worth attracts love and understanding.

Now, let’s see the “Why not me?” question’s reasons:

Not ready for a relationship;

Not over the ex-lover or loving someone else;

Lack of will to deal with another’s personal feelings;

Not being ready for a relationship;

In today’s life, that situation is the most common reason to not step into a relationship. Many people are obsessed with their work and problems with their parents or siblings. Or they do not want to have a relationship at the current moment in their lives. That is perfectly fine because when people have no peace of mind or clear vision of what they want, a relationship may make them more uncertain. A forced relationship just because to be in a relationship is a bad idea.

Currently, I do not need a relationship too. Many people should first collect themselves from the past wounds and build their new hearts home because the purity of heart is all we have. 

For the heart to be pure, people need to build walls first for a while to understand better what they want from themselves, their lives, and their eventual partner.

When people are not ready to jump into a relationship, they should control their lust for doing the jump because if they don’t, their hearts will be more broken than before. I say it from experience.

Last year, I went straight away from one relationship to another, and I ended up so broken on a deep level that I hardly can heal, but time takes care of me. I wish no one my experience, so I gladly share my piece of wisdom. When people are not ready to give something valuable in their eventual relationship, they should stay single until their heads clear up.

A relationship is giving, and inspiring the partner, not whining, and blaming the universe. My case now is similar because I finally found my “Why not me?” question’s answer. I can’t give any man that flirts or speaks with me what he deserves for a love relationship. 

The reason is that I have more serious work to make myself a whole than to project my disappointment and drama on other people.

I keep myself emotionally unavailable until the time I find myself. That is why I block almost all communication with potential baes in the beginning. I am not proud of this, but it is the best solution for participants in the flirt game because if things go deep, I can’t jump into a serious relationship now, after so many breakups. I do not want to give empty promises or unrealistic hopes.

Another example I can give of not being ready for a relationship is from one of my male friends. He is quite ambitious about his work, and he sees the eventual relationship as a distraction in his work field. That is the reason why he looks only for physical contact with women, but after some adventures, he said to me he doesn’t want to make women pregnant and stays solo until he is ready to commit.

Many people are like me, and him at the moment. In that situation, my opinion is it’s better to not talk about any prospect of a love relationship, and not even think about it if people are not ready to open themselves to others.

When a person is not ready for a relationship in his heart and mind, it’s a high possibility of heartbreak.

Of course, if someone is too brave and patient to break the heart’s walls, meeting the worst behind them, the love magic can happen. But that is almost an unrealistic tale.

Self Thinking

Many people do not go into a relationship because they are not over their ex-partner or love someone else.

They may even not know it or want to accept it. The facts are most relationships fell apart because one of the partners in the new relationship is not over the ex-partner. Or even both partners did not let go of the former lover. They compare the new partner with the old one and can’t accept the personality traits they meet in the current crush.

 Some people love routines, and they change them hardly. That doesn’t work in any relationship because people are different and unique. Adaption and acceptance is the main point in the relations. It happens that some humans use others to forget their ex-lovers. That happened to me too, and it is painful.

Competing with the ex-date is impossible because the current partner and his ex have a long relationship story. The new page of every love it’s written only if both parties want to write it. If only one partner wants to put any effort into the new relationship, it is a matter of time before its end.

When a partner is still in love with another person, nothing can change because feelings are not something that moves from place A to place B, and the heart is also not a thing that can order what and when to do something.

The mind’s logic doesn’t always win when there is a battle between it and the heart.

It is a big mistake when a person still loves somebody else to join a relationship with an innocent human who only wants to be loved and give all the love to the partner. Both sides suffer because the one partner always dreams and imagines things he does with the current partner to have done with the other person he loves.

The worst-case scenario is that the current partner knows the truth and stays in the wrecked relationship because of love. It is ruining. What I mean is when a person makes love with their current partner to see the face of the person they love.

Devastating, yes?

I wish not that feeling even the enemies I have in my life. It is like going to hell and back, losing all dignity, honor, and pride. No one deserves to feel or look pitiful. With one of my ex-partners, I felt that way exactly. Many other people I know have been through a situation like that. It is emotionally and physically burning on a stake.

I have a good friend who said to me that he prefers to be a playboy who looks only for sex because he lacks the will to deal with another person’s feelings. 

At first, I was shocked, but now I understand his point of view better. Many people feel lonely with themselves. They are obsessed with having a relationship with anyone. That makes them anxious and not good in their minds.

I have been in that situation before because the loneliness sometimes is overwhelming.

The forced dealing with other people’s feelings is also destructive for the individual and his life. When in a relationship with someone with unsolved problems, a person can play the role of mother or sister, but not a partner and lover.

After all, everyone has his parents and siblings, and they do not need to replace him with another person.

A serious relationship is when both partners are equal and work for the bond to grow up and become stronger. That is the main point of the family between two people.

However, many people like my friend do not want to play the role of savior, mother, brother, or cousin. That is the right way of thinking.

When someone plays a parent in a relationship for a long time, they lose themselves.

The purpose of a relationship is for two authentic persons to make a wholly happy and strong couple. Otherwise is not needed even to try to make a relationship works. That is what I think.

To have a fulfilling relationship, the partners should work a lot on themselves to make things right. They should go on that adventure with all they have. Dealing with another person’s feelings is not healthy and is not needed because it can become slavery, bringing no positivity to the life of the partners.

In conclusion, the “Why not me?” question has many answers based on people’s experiences, state of mind, or the needs of the body and heart.

Facts about that question give a lot of pain, but also self-awareness. In the unrequited love situation, it is better to look after the real reasons behind the rejection. That knowledge helps not make the same mistakes after the heart heals from the one-sided love.

The truth I can say for sure about my unrequited loves is that they were real for me, and I gave all to the persons I tried to be within a relationship.

After every rejection, I learned more about myself and what I want from a relationship. Of course, I felt broken many times, but I find peace in writing my feelings down on Wattpad because living in neverending love drama sure is not my thing.

Thanks to my one-sided love crowd, I am the strong woman I am today. I do not suggest having too much experience in unrequited love.

Nevertheless, I highly recommend everyone to do a lot of thinking carefully after every breakup or rejection to make sure what made things go wrong. If the reasons are in the person and they projected their uncertainty to another person, it is not good. If the reasons are in another part of the relationship, then the other participants in the dating have a problem with high expectations. High or perfect expectations lead to huge disappointments and a walk away from the potential relationship.

Unrequited love sometimes happens because people do not listen to their inner voices but to others. It doesn’t matter if the others are family, friends, or elders. The pain of one-sided love makes people grow up and upgrade their emotional intelligence level.

Only when they are emotionally stable, comprehensible in their heads, and accept their intuition, does a relationship blossom. Even so, fear of the “Why not me?” question is normal these days, and it is a must for a person to mature.


There is a saying that a broken heart gives the best life lessons.

That is the truth because, without these life lessons, people stay like babies that do not know how to take steps, and always will need someone to guide them. For the perfect relationship, a person should be imperfect but whole.

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