Perfect Lies – Poem

It is dedicated to new beginnings that start by overcoming old patterns.

While drinking my wine

In the cheapest of glasses,

I can not deny

My memory’s coming

Back on my mind

To make me remember

How perfectly I lied

My past undevotion

To make up the lines

Of tears that inspire

The pain that arises,

Remember the lovers

Who made me survive

Their most perfect lies

For new of beginning

Going down to revive

The power of believing

Into the past of youth hive

I became more clever

From saving my pride

That gives a reason

To not further forgiving

Down memory line,

I continue reviewing

What should I have undone

To keep me from grieving

Perfection on my own

That indeed is deceiving

In a long time the run

To play unforgiven

And be out of love

The clock stopped ticking

While I listen to Night Jazz

In my rented residence

Dreaming of the future, Alas.

************

In January 2022, I moved to a rented house with my child. At first, it was an empty place with nothing in it. I made it feel like home – not as beautiful as my last living place, but it was a peaceful space for my new life with my daughter.

At first, I bought a few wine glasses, but I broke most of them, and now are four. I put a lot of furniture in my rented home. I am uncertain how much time I will spend there, but as a free soul, blogger, and Zumba lover, I need my home space.

Recently, I have thought about moving on without my old patterns and seeing them fall apart. It’s somehow weird because it’s like a snake skin that is changed. After so many lies I used to tell myself and unconsciously to all the people I have ever loved, I still seek forgiveness for myself. Maybe it’s egotistical or the way my current life should go on. But, I feel with every fiber of my body there is a need for a drastic change in my life.

Is Like The Negativity Daily

Last few months, I had unusual guests in my home – ants. I am unsure where they came from, but the fact they are still there is disturbing. The ants are many, and I could not kill them until yesterday. Calling the insects’ negation’s ants rang into my head that they can be acknowledged as people in my life, who have similar skills to them. Hungry for intrigues as the ants are hungry for food.

Many days I cleaned thoroughly to show respect, and politeness to these little living beings, hoping they will fade away, but they did not. I always have been thinking everything around me deserves to live. But sometimes, forced clearance should be done. That is similar to cutting wood parts for them to grow again.

After a few weeks of the unfulfilling fight with negation’s ants, I decided to use poison.

The ants died like my connections with negative people who were in my life too long. The metaphorical venom I used to kill negativity in my daily routine was telling the truth and dropping the polite act. Many psychologists, including me, support the theory people should express their feelings and be rude if needed. Of course, when there is conflict and rudeness, the voice’s tone is a must because nobody wants to be shouted at.

What is The Point Of The Fight With Negation’s Ants in Life?

I put it simply. It is the survival of self-confidence because when going into people’s negativity, the mind becomes the same as theirs.

A long time ago, I have read business development books that taught me to create a circle with successful people to become like them. But today, I see that as falseness and a people-pleasing attitude. Both of these qualities do not fit into my soul and heart.

After many years, I stopped working in the business field, read positive-thinking books, and joined a few personal development courses. They made me understand that not successful people save the day, but the positive ones.

Unfortunately, not many humans are affirmative and the negation’s ants are stubborn to fight.

During these few months with the guests in my home, I understood that is better to cut once and for all the uninspiring connections. Hiding under the politeness’s rug did not resolve my ant’s problem. Negation crawled daily and became strong. That kept me away from lying on my yoga carpet and doing mediation. The same goes for me living freely and with attitude.

The character attracts similar people, but ants turn them off. It is better to be alone without ants than to live with unwanted guests that rob your freedom.

The fear of ants made me realize I act the same way with the people in my life. That had to stop. I did little steps toward killing my life’s negativity to go on forward. The small victories I had along the way, mutated into goals, for which I did an action plan to follow. That made me realize my potential and do the needed sacrifices. It is not a secret that risk-taker wins a lesson or achievement.

Negation’s ants and negativity’s people’s influence should be removed from everyone’s life.