Escaping The Banality Of Communication
A Serious Challenge For Every Kind Of Relationship
Recently, I found my banality in communication with people. I can feel it with every fiber of my body. If it was me, escaping it looks good.
I decided to think about how can I escape that considerable gap of soul connecting through words. Banality is a silent killer of the thrill that once was between two people who like each other.
In my life, I met many people that made me tremble whenever I wrote to them online. Time passed, and they stopped replying to me back. I thought they did not care about speaking with me. After careful thought, I understood the reason for that cutting lines was myself. My banal approach when talking to people I care about seems to be suffocating. That makes them go away from me.
I put myself and their shoes and found out I act like a savior, nagging mother, or too demanding communicator. Here come the boundaries people like me should put on their giving attitude and willingness to help the close ones. Not everyone feels good about too much communication, banality, and daily talk. Respect for others’ boundaries comes into play only when the two interlocutors state clearly toward each other.
Banality’s role models are understandable after deep introspection, which is important for better human relationships.
“The Savior” Banality Model
I know best that role model. From a young age, I missed emotional support and care, so I started to give almost everything to people who I felt close to my heart. Playing the savior is not a good way to do things when considering relationships. People start to take the individual for granted, using and lying to the person because they feel safe and free to do whatever they wish. “The Saviour” banality model I used a lot in my first stages in the courtship since I was always the activist of the wooing. It was a mistake on my side because men do not love back their savior as someone more important.
In short, that model is like solving problems for others, and they do not learn to take their responsibilities as a part of every kind of relationship. I got burned by unrequited love with the use of “The Saviour” model.
Today I will not go after any males, I will give hints, and that is. If they understand, okay, and if they do not, they’re not mine.
“The Mother” Banality Model
That model often is misunderstood as caring for a partner’s needs. Care is one thing, motherly nagging, asking too many questions, and pointing the faults is another.
People do not listen to their mothers, but they can not live without their appreciation. That dependence leads to problems in adult’s life. Some personalities become like mothers to their partners because they repeat what they saw. Other people become rebellious because of their moms’ strictness. Both cases lead to unhealthy communication with friends and lovers.
When speaking to someone new, people should look for a balanced attitude that is not overcoming the child-parents boundaries from the past in the partner’s lives. I believe that “The mother” banality model is worse than “The Savior” because it’s like stepping from one mother to another. That makes a person not whole and responsible.
Relationships should be a dance between two mature adults who can take care of themselves and their steps.
“Center of The Universe” Banality Model
Extroverted people usually think the world is spinning around them. When they speak bout their daily life, individual accomplishments, and only themselves, that is a big turn-off.
Shared knowledge, results, and improved skills are good, but that should not be the everlasting talk when sending messages. There should be given space to that someone people love or like. Communication should flow between both sides. If only one party speaks, that is a monologue, which bores other people, making them ignore the messages and move on.
There is a quote: “What is yours, it will stay yours,” or something in those lines I have read on Facebook. That made me realize I should leave people roaming in peace. If they want to stay in my life, they will.
I give an example of that banality model: I started to write too much to many people online because I wanted to create transparent communication between us and to show I am always present for them, but they got overwhelmed. Of course, they walked away from me and ignored me because I broke their boundaries. Back then, I did not understand that, but now when I started digging before writing that post, I saw everything. My will to be present in the life of people I care for was suffocating, and I lost the relationships.
In conclusion, banality should avoid at all costs because it is killing relationships. When the conversations become banal it is good to be stopped for a while. It is challenging to apply that in daily relationships but it should do for people to continue staying by each other sides. When something is too much, it should be said straightforwardly.