Hollywood Hills Or The Great Ocean’s Waves?

Hollywood Hills or The Great Ocean's Waves?

Hollywood Hills Or The Great Ocean’s Waves?

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About Life Choices.

Recently I listen to one of my favorite songs. It’s “Holywood Hills” by Sunrise Avenue. That song’s lyrics gave me a reason to think and create another confession.

Everybody knows about Hollywood Hills Dream. Not many people understand the price of staying there and that they’re somehow limited in their lives. I have never been a resident of a rich neighborhood and maybe will not be. But, after reading about many famous people, my idea about Hollywood’s life summarizes loneliness. Pure and unknown for ordinary people because in Holywood nobody stays with a person for himself.

The idea of the “Hollywood Hills” song is about choices.

To stay in the rich neighborhood under the radar of everyone and the lack of privacy, or live an ordinary life, doing what the heart desires?

Becoming a famous person has a price and it’s not for everyone. Surely, materialistic and consumer life in every area is interesting.

Will that be forever?

I am not sure about it. The reason for my love for “Holywood Hills” is that I have been on both sides of life – rich and poor.  While living in my hometown years ago, my family was wealthy. And still, it is, but I am not there.

When I moved to Burgas for love toward my ex-boyfriend and the sea fifteen years ago, my knowledge of poverty grew rapidly, looking at the great ocean’s waves of my new life.

It was not the pretty picture my mind painted. The daily fight with bills and life matters, in general, started immediately. I learned to organize better and to create a budget. Many things I didn’t even know while living under the gold parental wing showed up. Everything was unknown to me since I lived in a golden cage.

Listening to the “Hollywood Hills” song gives me chills. It shows the internal fight to continue living as there is no tomorrow with the dirtiness and limitations of a materialistic world or going free when no money is a motivator, but the internal fire to achieve goals.

Heart’s freedom is not an easy choice. Many sacrifices are required to follow a fast heartbeat but that state is the closest to happiness.

The great ocean’s waves are in the context of living alone.

Being alone means freedom to follow individual dreams without brainwashing models of life which can be easily found in places like Holywood Hills. To stay there someone should lose identity and follow the rules of popularity. They are harsh and isolating.

Living a rich life has two cons: falseness and loneliness. The pros are money and pleasure.

When people have enough material things, they start to feel suffocating and bored because they literally can buy everything, including “friends”. But, the companions stay by the person’s side until they are under the spotlight. When they got sick, they have caretakers because there are no close-to-heart people to care for them. They never feel sincere human contact for free.

On the other side, living a free life has sincerity from a small group of people has a positive side, but the negative is sometimes feeling shallow and trapped in the mundane. But that shall pass.

The true expression of feelings through the things people love to do can’t be experienced with no money in the world. It’s a fact wealth is important, but when there is freedom of living, that stays on life’s backseat.

My belief is people should live outside any limitations that society and money put on them forcefully and they choose it for free sometimes. That is why I love the “Holywood Hills” song so much.

Building Walls Between People

Building Walls Between People

Building Walls Between People

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Another Thinking Confession For Overthinkers And Emotionally Neglected Children

Originally, I was planning to finish my Dubai travel post today. But, as expected, my creative writer’s heart didn’t agree with my logical mind.

I use one astrology application called “Co-Star” to check my horoscope. Sometimes the words written in it, make sense. There is a quote I like: “Heart and mind shouldn’t conflict,” but unfortunately in my case, it’s mostly like that.

However, today I started to think about building walls between myself and people. It’s uncertain if that is a good way of doing things, but surely nobody loves the feeling of dead weight to another person, especially an important one.

Recently, I dig too much as a typical overthinker and a child with past emotional neglect, building walls.

Parents often do mistakes without understanding them. It causes emotional neglect to their children. That brings serious consequences in adult life. The lack of parental emotional attention and physical showing of support makes the child a survivor but causes problems in communication. That attracts mutual unemotionality between people.

Information about the topic of emotional neglect can be found everywhere on the Internet, but I want to share the consequences through my life lens. My writing is always based on experience and not on theories and readings.

Reasons for Building Walls Between People

Shame

Feeling ashamed is unacceptable, but recently I found out it’s somehow healing. Naming the past mistake in action and accepting it, even if it was a painful experience, brings emotional health into a better shape. One of the reasons for building my walls with people is that I feel ashamed of my past actions toward many of them and especially close ones.

Today was my start to look at my recent and somehow shameful actions. In my opinion, they were like that. Compassion and pity will not bring me salvation, because the past clearly can not be changed. It’s something I need to accept, understand and outwear.

Still, it hurts me,  looking back at the situation. But, keeping my ground with my two feet, always made me proud and motivated to move on.

Thinking Of The Past.

Everyone says people should look into the present, but it’s based on the past and ideas for the future. Of course, overthinking the past is not the greatest idea but it shouldn’t be forgotten. People should not hide from the past but remember it dearly in their hearts. That helps them grow and create a better life aura, karma, or whatever they name it.

Overthinking is not advisable, because when it’s prolonged, people become stagnant in their lives. It’s good to have a reasonable period to analyze the situation and discipline to follow it. For example, one day to accept the situation, second to feel it, and third to continue moving on with life, because time never turns back.

Lack Of Self-Compassion

That is the main problem for everyone. I always look first at my mistakes when something goes wrong. It’s still challenging for me to accept that I did my best in a certain situation. My harsh words and feelings toward myself destructed me many times but I revived as a phoenix from ashes. Even so, Self-compassion is challenging to apply, especially when someone grew up without parental emotional love. It’s undeniable fact my parents always provided for me financially, but never invested in my feelings, talents, and supporting my dreams.

However, my gratitude toward them is never-ending. I do my best to avoid that pattern while raising my daughter as a single parent.

For the protocol, my parents were separated unofficially. My mother never stood on her own two feet because she was financially dependent and didn’t try to move on alone. Many women today are like her and I do not blame anyone for anything. It takes courage to become a single parent and risk becoming financially unstable, broken, and living alone with the child until it grows up.

I had two choices: going back with my ex for the money or my hometown to survive. My choice was to stay on my own because I can not live with someone I do not even love. Following my heart is the golden string I follow all my life.

It’s pitiful, humiliating, and insulting to move in with someone without any feelings. So, my understanding of today’s reality of single parenthood is good. Courage is a blessing that not many people have.

Hiding From Facing The Situation

Hiding is a well-known method to avoid uncomfortable situations. Recently, I started doing it because I got too much on my plate. Soon that situation will change. Now, I want to hide because of my need to process everything that happened for the last few months and recharge. But, hiding is never a good idea although sometimes is needed.

Many humans hide forever and build walls. Not many people want to break others’ defenses. It’s a matter of choice, bravery, and depth of feelings.

These are the reasons to build walls between people. Only the closest ones will understand the pain their friends, lovers, parents, or children go through if they want.

Will the close-to-heart people give a hand or not?

In most cases no. Usual sentences are: “I do not want to interrupt,” “I don’t need others’ dramas, “I do not understand,” Why the hell should I care for someone else outside myself?” etc.

However, few people will go through fire for their friends, partners, etc. If you have someone like that in your circle, protect them with everything you got.

For today, my confession ends here. I am happy that you read me and my way to go out of depression is to dance through it. My belief is humans should have their ways to keep going in life. If not, finding them is a must.

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