So That Is – Short Story

So That Is - Short Story

So That Is – Short Story

Is

Dedicated to Virtual Breakups.

“So, that is what the breakup looks like” – Valery said sadly to herself.

“Yes, my dear friend. It always hurt before the new roads,” said Vivian, hanging up the phone – I come to you tonight.

It had been a long way to come to this story’s end.

Some people like Valery have not experienced a breakup for the single reason that they always were rejected.

The memories of his last words before the parting of their ways still echoed in her head.

Six months earlier.

“Hey, pretty, hello, do you want to be my game partner?” – a message popped up

“Well,” -Valery was hit in the head by a surprise – “It would be good.”

“If you do not want it, no problem for me,” smiled the boy on the screen.

“I do, but why?” she was surprised.

“How come why? Because you look pretty in this game!”, the flirt continued.

“You’re bold. I like you!” told the girl to the unknown boy

“Well, it seems you do not want, to see you!” the game character moved away.

“It is not like that, but we have no points for this yet.” Valery tried to explain.

“Are you sure?” a grinning emoji showed up.

At the same time, a message popped up. An anonymous player sent you romance arrows. The points between those two grew up fast.

“Wow, you are amazing!”- said surprised Valery- “But may I know your name?”

“It’s Blue. I want it that way. Everything between us will stay here, in-game,” told the player.

“But then why?” the girl did not know what to say.

“We will talk later, beautiful I need to go now!”, the mysterious person went offline.

That was the beginning of many weird happenings between Valery and Blue.

Starting the day was good, and both gamers played some time together. It was great until she met another player and got attached to him.

 Slowly, Valery forgot Blue.  Their relationship stopped going forward. The boy wasn’t online often and between different periods.

Four months ago.

Both players went on separate game roads. Sometimes they talked about different things. Valery bought up most of the topics. They were connected to her.

Blue always stood calm by her game character. He listened to her without understanding much. The man tried to make Valery smile and succeeded.

Valery fell for him, but she was loyal to her current game partner.

Three months ago.

Time went by. Blue and Valery talked rarely.

One night, he was drunk. Blue joined in the game and they talked together while watching the beautiful graphics.

Slowly, they began to write naughty things that led them to deeper sexual and virtual connections. The tension between them could hardly be explained in words. They couldn’t resist each other.

 After that night, everything changed. Blue ignored Valery.

The girl wondered if she looked like an easy woman or if he was feeling weird and ashamed.

The truth stays uncovered yet.

After some more time, Valery left the game. She felt lonely and her friends did not play anymore.

Blue still did not say a word about what happened between them. She thought he took her for fun. That hurt her, like many other events.

The current and unclear situation made her quit fast at the place where she felt pain.

Two months ago.

After a long break, Valery decided to join the game again.

“New places and meetings,” she thought. The girl was happily playing, with a different player name, when she saw a beautiful male character.

“Hello, do you want us to play together? ” asked the boy.

“Yes, why not? Let’s go!” said happily the girl.

Both players were happy.

One day they joyfully chatted when both players found they knew themselves from the last game they were in.

“Oh, my god! Is that you, Blue?”

The happy coincidence made both game personalities smile.

“Yes, we are good old friends, Valery.” said indifferently Blue.

This time they began a new like a game couple. It was a happy meeting, but Valery began to want more of that relationship.

In her head, many questions appeared, but she did not ask them. Valery did not want to lose Blue again. She started to misunderstand virtual reality and real life because of her pain inside. It was good to live in a game where there are no challenges and broken hearts.

Blue always said that she was a good friend of his. The girl never asked what the night they had before meant to him. She feared losing him forever.

One month ago.

As time went by, Valery wanted more from Blue. She became obsessive and in a stalker-like state. The girl knew that was not good, but her emotion of miss and uncertainty made her look like a crazy woman.

On top of that, Valery became also dramatic.

Blue never said anything other than he understands not well English and started to ignore her. They did not play together anymore.

The girl’s patience went blank. Her emotions toward him suffocated her. The ignorance and coldness she felt from him made her act vile and ignorant.

He did that on purpose to not break her heart and to open her eyes to the truth. Blue never loved Valery and never saw her as anything more than a game buddy.

She did not want to see the truth, but her instincts told her it was like this.

Valery became pathetic and stood in silence by his side.

One week ago.

“Hey, I am leaving the game,” told Blue.

“What? Why?” asked Valery.

“I am bored with this game, but I do not have a problem with you,” said calmly Blue.

“But what about us?” asked the girl.

“You are a good friend, and this is not Goodbye,” answered maturely the man.

 “Well, but you plan to leave?” the question was one-sided.

“Yes, for sure.” the serious tone was detected.

“I want to share something with you since you are leaving.” the courage took place in Valery’s words.

“Okay, you always can tell me,” Blue listened, as always.

“Well, it is that I have had romantic feelings for you for a long time.” told the girl.

“But this is just a game,” Blue maybe grinned.

“I know, and I did not finish with the talk,” insisted Valery.

Inconvenient smiling emoji went into the conversation.

After the prolonged monologue, the girl did, Blue sent a short text that he has no problem with her and everything is in her mind.

“You’re a good friend of mine,” – the boy said carefully – “We weren’t lovers before.”

“Okay then, I understand everything,” – Valery was very aggrieved – “I free you from me. See you!”

“Why?” – zoned out Blue when a message for a break of their in-game marriage popped out.

“To free you from me,” said Valery, sad and uncertain.

“Oh My God!” the boy was pissed off.

“See you!” continued the angry girl.

Logging off. That was the worst thing a girl could do. It was dramatic, unmatured, and pitiful.

It was too late to undo it.

One day ago.

Logging in with a burden in her heart, Valery wanted to apologize to Blue at least. He was online, and their in-game bond – was broken by him.

” Why?” zoned out Valery.

“Take care,” answered Blue

“Why did you do this?” the girl almost cried.

“I am leaving here. No need to say more,” a cold and indifferent answer by him.

“I am happy I met you,” continued Valery.

“No one can make you happy,” a sarcastic smile emoji.

“But I acted awful toward you, I am sorry,” Valery tried to excuse herself.

“I do not want to talk anymore,” – stopped her words Blue -“I thank you for everything.”

“I respect your decision and you too.” said the girl.

Silence. It was clear that a clean breakup happened.

“I always will remember you,” finished Valery.

Logging off.

Since then, she never saw him again.

Valery knew she was at fault for this story’s ending.

If she didn’t have expectations, things would never turn out this way.

Feelings put in something that people can’t see or touch, always fade away between the misunderstandings and the non-acquaintance with other’s people language and lifestyles.

The story could be different if she had her emotions under control and did not miss the part when nothing in a virtual world was real.

Blue did the best he could to make the girl not feel pitiful, and he acted like a man who cared about others’ personal feelings maturely.

He may be loved her in his way. But when there are no expressions of someone’s feelings, things go down.

After all, the truth never will be found out.

Blue probably cared for Valery as a friend. Or maybe he loved her but did not have the guts to move toward her, knowing they both will not work out as a couple for various reasons.

“So that is how the breakup looks.” – thought the girl – “I have never been on the side that people broke up with. I did that first. It was a good and painful lesson that I remember always.”

Vivian came running, ringing the bell.

“Come in,” said the girl with tears – “I’ll tell you a story.”

“Okay,” answered the guest – “I bring wine and handkerchiefs.”

 

*****

In conclusion: Nothing virtual is real. It’s an escape – from friendship to romance. Nobody wants to become seriously committed. That is my reason for not joining online dating sites. People flirt, speak sexually, and ghost others. Even if someone is outstanding, they can not be recognized. The virtual world is like a never-ending ocean filled with more frogs than fish.

However, it’s the future of the dead human hearts. But, until I am alive my try will be to bring back humanity.

A Beautiful Mess – Short Story

A Beautiful Mess - Short Story

A Beautiful Mess – Short Story

is Dedicated to Hurt hearts.

”Tick tock!” the alarm clanged.

”Dang! I should wake up and go to work!” – Still sleepy, Valery moved her body unwillingly from the beat.

She was brushing her teeth when the phone rang.

”How come? Who calls on this time?” – Valery ran fast to answer the phone.

“Good Morning, my dear daughter! How are you?” a tender voice asked gently.

“Well, Mom, I am preparing to go shopping,” replied Valery.

“Okay, my girl, I will go on a trip for three days,” told the confident mom’s voice.

“What? When did you decide that? Where will you go?” the girl was surprised.

“Well, I will go to Turkey. I have not visited Istanbul for nine years.”, said the woman.

“But mom, what about our shopping schedule?” asked Valery

”You can go on your own. Your age is enough.” the mother hung up.

“Wow, my mother is great” – thought Valery while putting the phone aside.

**********

For a few moments, a slowed flashback showed in her mind.

Two years ago, she washed her teeth with Steven.

When both lovers met, there was love at first sight.

Steven and Valery had a great passion and chemistry. These feelings made them steamy and hot in love-making.

Everything started to fade away when she moved in with him.

At first, he went almost every day with his friends, leaving her alone at home, and not spending quality time with her as a couple. Following some heated arguments, Steven started to sit with her at home.

After a few years of living together and sharing nothing more than a physical connection, their relationship fell apart. Valery started doing her things in life, and so did Steven. Their lives became parallel, transforming both partners into roommates.

Their connection broke so deep that there was nothing more to save in their relationship.

Scandals between the partners took over their talks and broke their homes after thirteen years of life together.

After the breakup, Steven went back to his alcoholic dependence, and Valery stood in a deep depression for one year.

At the end of the toxic relationship between Steven and Valery, the girl went to psychotherapy. The old-dreamed life being together between both partners, accompanied by physical and verbal abuse, couldn’t be easily forgotten.

When Valery’s mind was clear from the relationship nightmare, she felt so lonely that she went into many one-night stands. The arms of many men who didn’t treasure her much seemed so natural.

*********

After finishing her morning beauty ritual, Valery drank a coffee and decided to go first to the Mall. She thought of going to Istanbul later tonight to be with her mom. They did not spend much time together. When on holiday, Valery wanted to stay with her family.

When Valery came into Chrismas’s decorated Mall, she felt weird. Looking at the happy shopping people, she felt alone. The girl spotted a young couple with a pregnant woman. The man sat carefully and close to his girlfriend.

Valery’s tears started to fall from her eyes, and she put on her sunglasses. It didn’t matter she was in the Mall. The girl felt embarrassed, crying in front of other people.

********

She remembered her last lover. He was her soulmate. They had a deep connection in their emotions and souls.

“It is a well-known fact when people meet their soulmate, the Universe takes it away from them,” thought Valery.

Her soulmate, who she loved very deeply, choose another girl – a one-night stand that got pregnant.

When a child is in the love picture, nothing can be changed. Men always choose the mothers of their children, leaving their lovers heartbroken, and in tears.

Usually, when people meet true love, it’s one-sided and turns the person’s life upside down. Valery couldn’t overcome the loss she felt and couldn’t let her unrequited love go.

But the girl should do it, and move on because it was never wise for her to stay in the same place for a long time. It doesn’t matter how much it hurts to get by.

Life’s circle is to die and be reborn.

“Sorry, I break your heart, but I do not love you,” Valery’s last love flame told her after a few months of devotion and passionate romance. 

At that moment she felt a combination of anger, sadness, pain, nostalgia, emptiness, indifference, and powerlessness. She went down life’s rabbit hole. Valery’s world fell apart and her heart has torn from the inside out. Literally.

 It was funny how a shared and passionate connection went from the greatest experience in the world to the worst hole of depression and confusion.

Valery watched the man, hearing out the tummy of her pregnant girl, and cried with silent tears. She wished to be in the place of the pregnant woman, with a different man, but that would be another “Just a dream” story.

She loved love stories so much, but hers never finished with a happy ending. Probably in the future day, that could happen to her.

It was so disappointing she stopped believing in any form of love and attraction. But today, that story with her soulmate became just a memory of two months ago.

The four months together with her foreign soulmate were a great experience for many new things. In the end, they seemed to be fake.

Valery gave everything she had into that relationship.

“Yack! I do not want to think about that, and I should cry only in private,” Valery went into the bathroom, making up her face to be perfect and without any tears traces.

After all, women always should look good in their appearance, even if they fall deep into depression.

No one should understand, and the makeup should be ideal.

“There will not be someone to catch you when you fall now,” thought the girl.

After Valery strengthened herself, she continued to take a silent walk in the Mall. It was filled with many people who had various stories she could relate to and did not.

*****

The shining shops created illusions people live the best life they have.

But the truth was a bit different if persons wanted to think, but they, and Valery too, ran away from that complex process.

Coffee. It was her favorite place. There she saw two girls cry together.

Valery ordered a “Latte Macchiato” and sat next to the girl’s table. Unfortunately, she heard a weird conversation.

“He used me all the time. I trusted him because he always looked at me, talking only with me. In the end, he said that he reconciles with his girlfriend, who doesn’t like,” cried the girl

“Well, he used you like an emotional trash bin. He flirted with you because he had problems with his girlfriend,” said the other girl.

“Wow, men are so similar,” thought Valery while taking a sip from her coffee.

“I thought I was the only one used as an emotional recycle bin when he had problems with his love life,” Valery put down the coffee cup on her table.


Two years ago, Valery met online a very bold and handsome man who she fell for deeply. He had a unique, powerful, and individualistic character that made many women go after him, and most men envied him. The girl fell for him too. She rarely met brave, individualistic, and clever men.

Valery looked for a more powerful man than herself when she dated. Or she thought so about these men.

In the end, she was the powerful force that drove every single relationship of hers. It was always exhausting and tiring when Valery fought alone for her love till the bitter end.

In the case of her two-years-old love story, she was the trusted person that knew everything about a man who swore he was not in a relationship.

But one night, when that person opened up to talk, she understood he was in a relationship, crying alone for a woman that left him alone.

In the end, they came back together, and that, sarcastically, was a funny situation. With other lies Valery heard from that ex-crush, she thought there was nothing more to surprise her in the communication between men and women.

There was always something more of friendship between Valery and her want-to-be lover two years ago. The flirt flew in the air, and people thought she was his date. It would be good if it was a romance like that.

But, it was simply a mutual use of each each-other current and painful situation.

He never did a single step toward her, using the words: “I have a girlfriend, and I do not need your jealousy.” That man came continuously to Valery because he was physically attracted to her.

At the end of their story, that crush finally stopped that uncertain circle between “I want you, but I can’t come to you,” and reconnected with his unloved girlfriend.

Since then, Valery checked him regularly to see if he was still unclear about what he wanted from the women in his life.

People generally know what they want, but when the steps are not easy or comfortable, they sit, do nothing, and wait for things to happen somehow. That is not the right way to fight for what you want”, thought Valery, finishing her coffee.

“Now it’s time for me to go far away from that well-known lying and flirting story”- she stood up and went outside the Mall.

*****

It was 5 pm. There was enough time for Valery to go to Istanbul and see her mother.

“Mom, I come to you in Istanbul,” Valery called her mother.

“Okay, baby. I will wait for you in the hotel “B&B”,” the woman was happy to hear that.

Sitting on the bus, Valery had read Elif Shafak’s “The bastard of Istanbul.” It was one of her favorite books which were close to her mind and life’s views.

When she came to Istanbul, she went straight into the hotel where was her mom. Before going to her room, she saw a couple in the lobby bar.

The couple seemed nervous as they met for the first time or had a meeting for a one-night stand adventure.

How often were the one-night stands in Istanbul that no one knew?

The truth was shocking – the local men always wanted to sleep with a foreign woman. It was something like their bragging right, doing the same old sexual thing with a different partner.

A year ago, Valery also was in a similar situation as the young couple she saw.

********

There was a man – bold, handsome and straightforward. He caught her attention with his self-confident walking and talking style. The man bought Valery a rose and wine, so he started to speak with her.

The gentleman came to her first – exactly going like a hunter to his prey. It was on the yacht in Istanbul, when she traveled one year ago.

Valery was trying to overcome her last breakup, and as many other people do, she went straight into the arms of a stranger that gave her comfort for just one night. It was an intoxicating experience at that current moment. Short-term resolution of a long unhealed problem and an illusion that gave happiness for a few hours.

Valery went into depression after that situation. Right said the one-night stands were not her thing. The girl felt used physically and emotionally because she fell for that man. He was a great and experienced player with women’s feelings and hearts.

Unfortunately, most men are like that, and Valey witnessed she was right about her opinion.

The woman glanced again at the couple in the “B&B” hotel. It’s amazing how people become animals when they want to mate physically with other humans.

Is it worth it?

Valery thought that happening it’s a result of personal uncertainty, but men surely thought differently. Not everyone can do it though.

“Men are animals. They are only for visualization, without putting feelings in what they do with a woman,” Valery remembered the words a man she knew, told her. Indeed, the world she lived in it’s going down more with time.

Love was missing, humanity too, and people became more animalistic than animals.

******

But that night, when she was in Istanbul to stay with her mother, drinking more than usual, the girl realized the truth about her current life in every field.

It was the time to let go of all the old feelings and fantastic male images in her head. The truth was only one – her true right to live as the best version of herself, alone, without going after people who did not care about her, but themselves.

After the bottle of wine, Valery continued to drink in the lobby, watching the young couple check for a hotel room.

Some hotel lobby men who wanted to sleep with Valery did not do a single step toward her because of their fear of rejection.

Then, Valery saw the current life’s truth: A beautiful mess.

Tears fell from her eyes, and nobody came to comfort her.

The girl moved from the sofa in the hotel’s lobby bar and went to her mother’s room. She hugged her mom tight, without saying a single word.

The mother started crying too because she felt the pain her daughter held for so long. The only true love, realized Valery, is the love between a parent and a child.

“Do not cry, my baby,” the mother hugged tight Valery, “Everything will be good, my girl.”

“But I am a mess, mom, and do not know how I can go on,” cried louder the girl in her mother’s arms.

“Yes, my dear, you are a beautiful mess,” agreed the mother, “But every mishmash clears up with time, and becomes a more beautiful story,” said the wise lady.

On New Year’s Eve, Valery felt strong, inspired, and liberated for the first time in thirteen years. She needed no one to make herself move on proudly and honorably in her life.

Nobody deserves the humiliation from the feeling of being used, unloved and unwanted by other people. In the end, everyone has only themselves.

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