I Want To Date – Poem

is about the new tries on the romanticist’s fronts

There was a time

When I used to date

Like one-fifth of a century

I was young but not wild

Today I am in the middle

Between Autumn and Spring

Years I wasted

Based on my fears

Accepting my shadow

As auratic part

Of my energy

That didn’t cost a dime

In the eyes of beholders

Looking like green frogs

In terms of their mind’s limits

And tries to accept

Another human being

Like a part of the process

Toward pure togetherness

In sharing the life

With a woman that wasn’t hot

But maybe obedient

When the leader is soft

In the intimate moments

Forgetting me not

Was a mantra

That broke my soul

Did they appreciate me? Not!

Today I am a forgiver

Riding my creativity fog

Of personal beliefs

And high principles above

Sometimes I  am lonely

But, I want to date

Men who are centered

Not singing the lies’ song

“Not now, but it doesn’t mean forever, not”

Without explanations

Showing off  fake remorse

That they banged me

Because they had no sex

For many past months

When their ex-lovers left

While I am being sarcastic

My tears had to dry

In terms of forsaking

That I got blind

For hardcore edges

In male’s attitude

But seeing the greatness

It made me consistently weak

As selfless believer

That all humans are good

Deep in the rooted

Darkness in the heart.

Since that’s idealistic

I should keep going on

And maybe as an artist

I will escape the crows

Looking like people

And eating their last

Spark of kindness

To glow in the dark

Of human disintegration

That is prized a lot

In my darkest hours

I went through my own

To not make my daughter

She sees me like a ghost

Crying in silence for reasons of cold

That made my nose running

And my throat soar

But I started hugging

The love that I got

Hearing my child’s laughter

Which made me hold on to hope

That better days are coming.

I want to date

Outside my faults

With men that won’t see me

As a half-woman or  transparent grog

It was  my kind of bearing

Consequences of my past choice

To underrate my performance

Of taking and giving

When I was truly in love

And didn’t care if men see me

Now that’s enough!

****

Recently, my creative strike amazes the men around me. That proves I am on the right track in my life. I hope to collect the money for my poetry book soon enough and publish it. That would make me feel proud once again.

Today’s confession is about dates. Recently my wish to date and feel desirable grew up. There was a time I didn’t want to meet any man anymore and now that period is over. It shows my healing heart process is complete. 

When I was younger, my self-esteem was low. That led to many problems at home and with romance. Seeing myself as an ugly woman, because the stereotypes today make most women think that way, was a huge mistake for my future and feminine energy. It took me around twenty years to realize my woman’s worth. Starting to see myself as a treasure and doing the steps for my outlook by dancing Zumba made me feel more beautiful and hot than in my twenties. I wish to not go back there. My singlehood is a fact but that doesn’t mean I will die from loneliness.

However, I miss dates and am uncertain how to act on one, but I believe my time to date will come. My quiet prayer is for a serious and responsible man to do the first steps toward me. It may happen or not, but I feel whole, starting today and dropping out of my past self mistakes.