Emotional Unavailability Is Inaction

I like a topic for saying things people do not think to make a reality. It proves how much they do not care about others than themselves. I do not want to sound negative, but I only state facts and dig for the reasons behind them.

I have written some blog posts about unrequited and finished long overdue romance. Here are some examples that I used to back up my today’s post: A love story that wasn’t meant to be, True love’s talk, Distant commitment, and Why not me?

After I reread these four articles and I observed many people last seven months, I finally understood what Emotional Unavailability is.

I wondered long ago, in my relationship experience, what is wrong between the great chemistry, sweet talk, and spending time online without calls from my romantic interests. Finally, I found out there it wasn’t any affair at all.

Emotional unavailability is the escape from responsibility toward other people, especially when it comes to online dating.

Many people love online dating because is free to take what is needed and go into the offline world rarely.

That is the emotional unavailability in action.

Since humans stopped evolving as I wrote in my post Calling someone “strong” is not a compliment anymore. the feelings amiss are at their peak.

Emotional unavailability is the combination of fears, security that gives single life, and the missing obligation for communication. It is far easier to let go of time in a relationship that makes people feel challenged because easiness is always the winner when it comes to starting dating for real outside the computer, mobile, etc.

I talked to many people last few months, and I observed that they are indeed emotionally unavailable, but complain that the object of their interest is the way they are. That projection transferring made me dig why people prefer to have emotional unavailability than fighting for the love they know they feel but run away from it.

Today I was in a small village around Burgas. I received a hand-picked bouquet from an old gentleman while we drank Turkish coffee with him, speaking about life matters in general, I found out the reasons for the emotional unavailability. They are as follows:

  • Irresponsibility
  • Lack of challenge feeling
  • Routines Boredom
  • No will to change
  • No bigger picture together
  • Not understanding what love is about
Hand-picked bouquet by the old gentleman


is the most popular form of emotionally unavailable. Everyone heard: “I have too much on my plate,” “I have no time,” etc. People are busy, and that is an undeniable fact. The truth in those thoughts is that the person saying them either doesn’t care for the other people or does not want to take responsibility for their actions toward the eventual date for making the first steps, calls, or texts. Nothing else, but it is good from the beginning for people to be clear about their irresponsibility toward another person because every relationship has two parties in it. If one doesn’t want a relationship, the other may be on a different page.

By the way, a call can take from 1 to 5 minutes while people are out for a break, the same goes for texting.

So, is it that you indeed have no time?

Lack of challenge feeling.

Many women, including me, mistake saying too much in the first stages of dating. They are too direct or open toward their partners. Most men lose interest in these women and runaways to seek someone more mysterious, perhaps.
After all, the next enigmatic person opens up later for men to see the same as the one before her. Men should think wiser about their time.

What about interest and challenge then?

I think it’s better to start a relationship a bit faster after the so-called hunting mode if the two people want it. They are mature enough to handle eventual romantic disappointment. Since I am into middle age, I do not want to play hide and seek anymore. If I were 20, I would be interested.

Yes, there should be a mystery and feeling of becoming someone’s prey, but, if that happens with mixed signals, the woman may distance herself and find meanwhile someone else.

Routines Boredom.

People build their routines over the years. It is a proven fact that a new rut builds up for 30 days. But, there comes a time when monotony takes over. When people are bored, they become emotionally unavailable because they start to feel comfortable in the tedium of their routine. They stop to look for excitement and fun outside their daily lives. Connections with other persons begin to fade away because they are not improved.

Then, one day, people wake up alone, lethargic, and without energy. They accept Emotional Unavailability and become numb to anything new in their lives – people or hobbies.

Is it not better to go into the unknown and feel alive, perhaps?

No will to change.

When people are too comfortable, they lose the will to change. Their discipline for elementary doings breaks, and their time, life, and emotions management expires.
It is well-known that success doesn’t come overnight. The progress has the company of schedules and failures.
Many painful changes have to be overcome by a person’s character.
Many people, including me, are emotional and live inside their little heart’s worlds. After every life’s slap, the personality dies and becomes shallow or rises and starts anew. Reactions to changes are the key to Emotional Unavailability or not.

If people choose to stay stuck in a situation because they do not want to change, they lose their emotions with time and become like robots. On the contrary, if people accept the changes with the required time to adapt, they keep moving on with their lives, making them the best for themselves. Meanwhile, the shift transforms the human character better.

Not seeing the bigger picture together.

For most of my life, I felt alone and single, even in a steady relationship physically. The cause was my partners had not seen the bigger picture with my eyes, and we did not evolve together as individuals and a couple.

Since I was used to this state, as I have written in my articles: “Wearing Red Dress With Confidence,” and “Loneliness is an inspiration,” I did not mind at first, thinking I was strong enough to fight for love to turn it into a neverending fairytale.

Time went by, and my energetic soul light dimmed. I became somebody I used to know as myself as an apathetic person with no wings to fly in life. That was when I met face to face with the Emotional Unavailability. Trust me, that period was like death itself. Living in a biological body with emptiness inside is not something I wish for anyone.

Then I was into the dead-end, deep grounded. It took me many years to rise.

When two partners do not see the bigger picture together: how they grow as people, their life values, and destinations differ, it becomes a one-sided fight with the fate that either kills or revives, but brings no couple.

Not understanding what love is about.

The most popular reason for Emotional Unavailability is people do not understand what a love affair is. They mostly care for their emotions without taking responsibility for the person they are within the relationship.
The talk about relationships is broad, but the truth is simple. People accept their partners with their flaws or not. Love is not about business, interests, and money-sharing, as is popular these days.

It is building something great and stable as a family by two people that complement each other and do their part of the teamwork they create. That includes everything from time management and house chores to changing the baby’s diapers.

There is no state where one person does everything and the other watches what happens.

Everyone is tired and stressed out by daily routines.

If one partner shows no emotional interest, the other goes into Emotional Unavailability, transferring it into the next relationship if there is a possibility for any.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

That is what I think about Emotional Unavailability. It is a serious thing, and it should be avoided.

People, in general, want to connect on a deep level with others, but fears and past love experiences make that like mission impossible.

However, I look for the reasons for everything to find an explanation. I should apply it too. That is what people should do – learn and enclose by experience.


Memories Of Istanbul Taught Me New Lessons

At the beginning of my trip to Turkey

This post will be a bit different than my last posts. It is because I am not the same person already. Turkey’s trip changed my personality for good.

Oriental culture always amazed me. I love the smell of Turkey’s food and the traders that made me deviate from the price.

The curious thing in Turkey is that the salespersons respect the customers more if they look for a discount on the original item’s price.

Back in September 2021, I took a short trip to Turkey. I needed to clear my head and decide on a major question in my life. I should find my courage and bravery again.

Whenever I am at a life’s crossroads, I travel alone to different places. That makes me focused and determined to solve the problem.

When I am far from the daily routine, I think better.

I had nothing from what I saw in Turkey. It started with the Mutual Retard I felt between people – men, women, workers, bosses, and especially sales persons to customers. It is true that in Turkey “The customer is the King.” The working ethic there is found almost nowhere else I have been before.

Mutual Retard between people is the basis for any relationship. If it is amiss, the relations fade away.

I hopped on the bus in Burgas at 03.00 am because the waiting on Turkey’s border is long. I had downloaded Elif Shafak’s book “The bastard of Istanbul,” and I started to read. Indeed, it is a great book but nothing like the author’s “Love.” It explains very well women’s lives today. Their choices to give birth or not.

By the way, it is interesting to know that many people do not think abortion is murder. I think it is that, but sometimes choices are challenging. After people make them, it is good to go to sacred places and search for forgiveness. I do it all the time when I feel like a sinner.

However, I listened to music, wrote to my lover then online, and fell asleep. It was a quiet experience for me, and I realized my worries started to fade away.

When we arrived in Istanbul, it was 9 am. Sun was shining bright, touching my skin, and I felt alive. Everything in that city makes me feel happy I live.

People forget that it is a gift to be alive and look only for the big picture, underestimating the small things in life. The little things in life make their flavor and bring happiness. Every greeting, virtual emoji by a loved one, or taking a new picture with the phone, alongside reading a good book make life easier and precious.

My former boyfriend back then replied to every message I sent him. It was like we were together on the trip. I felt happy to feel everything that life offered me back then. I remember it today. It was my happy time in 2021.

I never imagined the things that happened to me when I came back to Bulgaria. But, I enjoyed everything in Istanbul, from the beginning till the end, as I did in my past relationships.

I consumed the atmosphere, feelings, and food in Istanbul with sincere joy. After we drove through the traffic and went to the hotel, I prepared for an online meeting with my boyfriend, and we saw us. We were happy. That made me feel more inspired for the evening that came after. It was the most unforgettable evening I had until then.

I and my travel group went on a yacht that night. It was my first time being on a yacht that moved. There was a live performance on it. On the board were people from different nations – black, white, and Asian. It looked like a human’s union.

 The DJ played various songs. It was the music that connected the people back then. 

They forgot the everlasting racist conflicts. That made the evening special and unique. 

Moving Yacht

People danced, had fun, and watched the live performance. On the second floor of the yacht was a creative business idea. Making a picture with old-style clothes, I felt like a queen. Photographs did a great job. They are professionals, and they take family or couple pictures to make the memory last forever


My dream is to be a Bard in the Old Times


One of the best parts of my yacht trip was when there was a live performance with knives. I volunteered to take part in it. 

Many people were afraid to not get killed by knives accidentally. But the performers are professionals, and some accidents can’t happen. 

Observing people even during the live performance made me realize they are cowards. How they act in real life, they do it the same way on the fun side of it.

 I did not die by the last knife that the performers threw next to my heart to show their skills. I gained respect from all the audience on the yacht. Courage is always respected, believing or not. Many women started to approach me to greet me for my bravery. I felt good after I came out alive on this dangerous journey. But I am like this in my real life too. There is no fear, no gain, after all. There are times when people should risk everything they know and not act cowardly.

Another best time of the yacht’s evening was when the DJ played an African song on which everyone stood to dance – black or white. I do not like racism. Humans are unique in their way. Everyone danced to that song, holding each other hands. That made me cry with joy.

 Is it not that Humanity’s dream? 

Everyone is united and not divided by ego’s struggles. People’s energy radiates from every soul.  

After the collective dance finished, all visitors exited the yacht. Foreigners talked with me outside, and I almost lost my group’s traces.

That night I transformed my fear of the known, stable, and secure into Brave walking toward the unknown. Later, in 2021, I would need that.

On the same night, I uploaded my pictures on Instagram. I met a great disappointment in Turkish men. Many of them asked me to sleep with them because I am a foreigner. That is disgusting – married men to ask you to sleep with them.
Turkish women are beautiful and caring, and they love their husbands deeply. I respect them a lot. In general, Balkan and Eastern Europe women are the best wives. I do not want to offend other women, but when in love, these wives are selflessly giving themselves to their men and children. Many husbands do not respect that, looking for some fun in the unknown.
Of course, in my style, I told the ugly truth to the horny men and made them feel bad because they were acting that way toward their women. Justice before all is one of my life’s mottos.

On the next day, we visited the Asian part of Turkey.


Turkish Coffee


On the last day of my Turkey journey, I visited a mosque before Turkish markets and MALL. I am not a religious person, but when I enter sacred places, I cry a lot and pray for forgiveness for my sins. Everyone has a past and should be accepted.

When I was in the mosque, I felt closer to Universe, and I felt like a part of something bigger than me. The people there were praying, and I felt safe. The curious thing is that the humans enter barefoot into the Muslim sanctuary. I finally understood why.
There was energy entering the body, connecting it to the earth, where everyone goes after they die.

I was happy when I was in Turkey, and I will go there again. I believe the next time I go there, I will be with someone dear that will not leave me on my own. We will experience everything together because sometimes I got tired of being my solo trip buddy. Until then, I will go on my own.

Istanbul Blue Mosque – Closer to the Universe


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