I like a topic for saying things people do not think to make a reality. It proves how much they do not care about others than themselves. I do not want to sound negative, but I only state facts and dig for the reasons behind them.
I have written some blog posts about unrequited and finished long overdue romance. Here are some examples that I used to back up my today’s post: A love story that wasn’t meant to be, True love’s talk, Distant commitment, and Why not me?
After I reread these four articles and I observed many people last seven months, I finally understood what Emotional Unavailability is.
I wondered long ago, in my relationship experience, what is wrong between the great chemistry, sweet talk, and spending time online without calls from my romantic interests. Finally, I found out there it wasn’t any affair at all.
Emotional unavailability is the escape from responsibility toward other people, especially when it comes to online dating.
Many people love online dating because is free to take what is needed and go into the offline world rarely.
That is the emotional unavailability in action.
Since humans stopped evolving as I wrote in my post “Calling someone “strong” is not a compliment anymore. the feelings amiss are at their peak.
Emotional unavailability is the combination of fears, security that gives single life, and the missing obligation for communication. It is far easier to let go of time in a relationship that makes people feel challenged because easiness is always the winner when it comes to starting dating for real outside the computer, mobile, etc.
I talked to many people last few months, and I observed that they are indeed emotionally unavailable, but complain that the object of their interest is the way they are. That projection transferring made me dig why people prefer to have emotional unavailability than fighting for the love they know they feel but run away from it.
Today I was in a small village around Burgas. I received a hand-picked bouquet from an old gentleman while we drank Turkish coffee with him, speaking about life matters in general, I found out the reasons for the emotional unavailability. They are as follows:
- Irresponsibility
- Lack of challenge feeling
- Routines Boredom
- No will to change
- No bigger picture together
- Not understanding what love is about
Irresponsibility.
is the most popular form of emotionally unavailable. Everyone heard: “I have too much on my plate,” “I have no time,” etc. People are busy, and that is an undeniable fact. The truth in those thoughts is that the person saying them either doesn’t care for the other people or does not want to take responsibility for their actions toward the eventual date for making the first steps, calls, or texts. Nothing else, but it is good from the beginning for people to be clear about their irresponsibility toward another person because every relationship has two parties in it. If one doesn’t want a relationship, the other may be on a different page.
By the way, a call can take from 1 to 5 minutes while people are out for a break, the same goes for texting.
So, is it that you indeed have no time?
Lack of challenge feeling.
Many women, including me, mistake saying too much in the first stages of dating. They are too direct or open toward their partners. Most men lose interest in these women and runaways to seek someone more mysterious, perhaps.
After all, the next enigmatic person opens up later for men to see the same as the one before her. Men should think wiser about their time.
What about interest and challenge then?
I think it’s better to start a relationship a bit faster after the so-called hunting mode if the two people want it. They are mature enough to handle eventual romantic disappointment. Since I am into middle age, I do not want to play hide and seek anymore. If I were 20, I would be interested.
Yes, there should be a mystery and feeling of becoming someone’s prey, but, if that happens with mixed signals, the woman may distance herself and find meanwhile someone else.
Routines Boredom.
People build their routines over the years. It is a proven fact that a new rut builds up for 30 days. But, there comes a time when monotony takes over. When people are bored, they become emotionally unavailable because they start to feel comfortable in the tedium of their routine. They stop to look for excitement and fun outside their daily lives. Connections with other persons begin to fade away because they are not improved.
Then, one day, people wake up alone, lethargic, and without energy. They accept Emotional Unavailability and become numb to anything new in their lives – people or hobbies.
Is it not better to go into the unknown and feel alive, perhaps?
No will to change.
When people are too comfortable, they lose the will to change. Their discipline for elementary doings breaks, and their time, life, and emotions management expires.
It is well-known that success doesn’t come overnight. The progress has the company of schedules and failures.
Many painful changes have to be overcome by a person’s character.
Many people, including me, are emotional and live inside their little heart’s worlds. After every life’s slap, the personality dies and becomes shallow or rises and starts anew. Reactions to changes are the key to Emotional Unavailability or not.
If people choose to stay stuck in a situation because they do not want to change, they lose their emotions with time and become like robots. On the contrary, if people accept the changes with the required time to adapt, they keep moving on with their lives, making them the best for themselves. Meanwhile, the shift transforms the human character better.
Not seeing the bigger picture together.
For most of my life, I felt alone and single, even in a steady relationship physically. The cause was my partners had not seen the bigger picture with my eyes, and we did not evolve together as individuals and a couple.
Since I was used to this state, as I have written in my articles: “Wearing Red Dress With Confidence,” and “Loneliness is an inspiration,” I did not mind at first, thinking I was strong enough to fight for love to turn it into a neverending fairytale.
Time went by, and my energetic soul light dimmed. I became somebody I used to know as myself as an apathetic person with no wings to fly in life. That was when I met face to face with the Emotional Unavailability. Trust me, that period was like death itself. Living in a biological body with emptiness inside is not something I wish for anyone.
Then I was into the dead-end, deep grounded. It took me many years to rise.
When two partners do not see the bigger picture together: how they grow as people, their life values, and destinations differ, it becomes a one-sided fight with the fate that either kills or revives, but brings no couple.
Not understanding what love is about.
The most popular reason for Emotional Unavailability is people do not understand what a love affair is. They mostly care for their emotions without taking responsibility for the person they are within the relationship.
The talk about relationships is broad, but the truth is simple. People accept their partners with their flaws or not. Love is not about business, interests, and money-sharing, as is popular these days.
It is building something great and stable as a family by two people that complement each other and do their part of the teamwork they create. That includes everything from time management and house chores to changing the baby’s diapers.
There is no state where one person does everything and the other watches what happens.
Everyone is tired and stressed out by daily routines.
If one partner shows no emotional interest, the other goes into Emotional Unavailability, transferring it into the next relationship if there is a possibility for any.
That is what I think about Emotional Unavailability. It is a serious thing, and it should be avoided.
People, in general, want to connect on a deep level with others, but fears and past love experiences make that like mission impossible.
However, I look for the reasons for everything to find an explanation. I should apply it too. That is what people should do – learn and enclose by experience.
