Being A Single Mom Is Organization


Society always claims single parents.  The separated partner with a kid meets a lot of hardships and lacks support. I take personal the question about single moms because I see it as discrimination.

It is hard for a woman to decide to leave the father of her child. If the climate at home is full of emotional, verbal, or physical abuse, these problems need to be resolved immediately. That situation is unhealthy for both partners in a relationship, and for the kid is a destructive emotion.

If the father takes no part in the engagements around the child and doesn’t care for the mother, this is not a good sign. The family begins to crumble.

The mother decides to leave or not the father for years. She overthinks everything. When she leaves the broken home with the kid, she faces many hardships – finances, emotions, solitude, and unacceptance.

The relationships between parents are the basis one kid has to build own family in the future. If the man or the woman doesn’t treat each other with love, care, and respect, the kid will do the same when it is an adult.

For example: if the man abuses the woman in a verbal, emotional, or physical way, the son will think that is normal in the relationship. If the kid is female, she will see the abuse l toward her in her future marriage as the norm.

Some mothers got beaten up by their husbands and son at the same time. Because the kid thinks it is a proper way to show his love. He saw that after all from his father.

The women often stay in relationships with their men because of the child or economic reasons. Generally speaking, that, in my opinion, is low self-esteem and cowardly.

The truth is that children always prefer to see their parents happy, even single. Other situation makes the family unhappy, but together in quarrels. Children cry from this situation and feel like they are at fault. Whatever speech parents use, actions always show the truth.

Reasons for the moms to leave the unhappy relationship after many years of thinking are few.

  • No actions by the man for anything

  • Feeling like an unwanted piece of trash in isolation

  • The relationship doesn’t develop and becomes routine.

  • No equal partnership in obligations for home and kid care

  • No activities together as a family

  • They are fed up to be slaves for men’s every wish

  • Lack of self-development because of no personal time

  • No build-up between both partners

When a woman observes that her husband does no action for anything, she is highly disappointed. Once, at the first stages of courtship and moving in together, the man acted a lot regarding support and everything related to the couple’s life. With years gone by and no quality communication, and sincere support, he took her for granted.

The lack of physical, emotional, and intellectual communication to build a strong personality bond makes the woman feel like an unwanted piece of trash in isolation. Once hit that phase, it is a matter of time for the woman to leave the man if he doesn’t do anything.

All people need to feel treasured, appreciated, and respected for who they are.

Women need special attention all the time because they are more into words and emotions than men. Of course, the words should be proved by actions. The same goes for the women toward their men too.

With this phase not resolved, The relationship doesn’t develop and becomes routine. Once the bad feelings of both partners in the family are not solved, the relationship dies. It becomes dull and groovy without a single spark. That situation may lead to mutual love affairs, and the partners will not even feel bad about it.

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That makes the woman feel alone in the relationship. She feels like she fights alone for the family. That makes her more distant from her partner. She stops caring for her needs and gives all she got to her kid. That leads to forgetting the partner.

In most cases, this equality in the relationship misses, and the woman does the first steps to go out of it. Let me ask you if you do everything on your own at home, but saying to society you have a partner that does nothing, is that fair to you as a person? The man also can feel that way, but usually, women wear the cross of most obligations on their shoulders.

When there is a child, both parents should participate in taking care of it. But they can do it properly only if the two partners are in tune, feel love, and have deep respect toward each other.

This situation leads to a so-called fake family, in my opinion. No activities together as a family are just random meetings of people who think they are something more. Family trips, picnics, and genuine celebrations are also strengthening the family bond between all family members. But this bond starts first with both parents. If they are not in a deep emotional relationship, it is a matter of time for the fake family to split up, and the kid to stay with the one parent.

Do not get me wrong when I say I am a feminist, but I do not hate men. Sometimes husbands have too many desires and want every single of them to realize immediately. They treat their wives as slaves. That is not good. 

Women are human beings and have their limits, patience, dignity, and self-esteem. They also do not like mind games, to be obsessed and controlled. Husbands should treat respectfully the wife. The men often forget how to do that.

Another strong reason for the women to move out of the unfulfilling relationship is the lack of self-development because of no personal time. Everyone needs to self-develop. That is very true for moms in long-term relationships and marriages.

That is the biggest motivation two people have to be in a relationship and move in together. If there is a build-up between the two persons when they go through hardships of life, their union can be long-lasting. The support between a man, and a woman, is based on trust. It proves in the first months of their life together.

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I will not lie if I say that staying on your own as a mom is a lonely activity. Women have only their kids, and they understand fully that the only true and unconditional love is between the parent and the child.

Of course, there is always a price to staying the way that woman is. The price is usually loneliness and being single for a very long time. It is a well-known fact that men do not want women with kids for a family.

Single moms have no time to date too much, and they are careful in choosing the man they date. Most moms date online because they have limited time to use social media. There are usually two groups of men that show interest in single moms:

  1. Younger ones look only for a physical relationship without commitment

  2. Older men with their kids that look for a mom for the kids

Both groups of potential partners for single moms have their pros and cons. Dating men’s limit was set by the woman with a child based on her needs. She is smart enough to avoid men who aren’t clear about what they want or give mixed signals.

In both scenarios, the single mom has a short time to decide what she wants and to be transparent in her relationships between dates, children, and the ex-partner. 

In most situations, when the parents separate, there is co-parenting. A certain amount of time spent is between the father and the mother.

There rarely will be someone else to catch you when you fall. And the woman should take good care of her child. She needs to learn to take care of herself without expecting someone else to do it.

Nobody needs to feel less important than she is. No one has the right to insult, abuse, or lie to the other partner.


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Distant Commitment Is The New Trend

That Brings The Relationship To The Unknown

Today is interesting to have a love relationship. I name it distant commitment.

Usually, the relationships start online or like long-distance ones. When it starts, both parties have their own lives and enjoy this type of relationship.
I called it distant commitment because it sounds right to me. Between the time for real-life family members, work, and own things to do, the virtual partners stay far behind in priorities of each other.
This situation is like: I am with you, but only when I have time. That is not bad, though, because partners stay independent. They develop themselves as persons, and when they need someone to talk they speak to each other.
But this is not a real commitment. It is like an illusion that will stay the same if both partners don’t make things more realistic. They should give a deadline for when their relationship goes real. It doesn’t matter will the communication goes over the phone or on video chat.

If both partners care for each other seriously, they will make a slight commitment. They hear out each other and have regular video meetings or phone calls. There should be a connection for the distant commitment to become a real one.
That happens only if the partners are ready for a relationship.

Many people were hurt.

While women always keep looking for love outside sexual boundaries and want to go deeper into soul connections, men do not want to deal with too many emotions.

That way, in the distant commitment male’s part of the relationship, goes sexually dependent and satisfied. Meanwhile, the women’s side of this type of relation creates illusions that fill the mind with pink and idealistic visions.

But until when?

Probably until it makes both partners happy with this.
The truth for distant commitment looks bright for people who do not want to commit to the relationship and prefer to live in their own mind’s world. And why not since there is someone else that allows that to happen.
Distant commitment is not a real commitment to a couple’s relationship. It becomes real when there are more than only words in your free time. Under more, I mean sincere interest, respect, and communication. If they miss, the distant commitment will stay longer.

At some point in the relationship, one of the persons wakes up from the pink bubble dream and moves out of this imaginary relationship.

When the person moves out, it may be completely broken. My thought is the distant commitment is not worth it if both sides do not want to engage in a real relationship. That can happen if both sides have mutual feelings, shown with actions.

Everyone can speak great words, after all. But many people fear committing and prefer this kind of relationship.

Reasons for choosing this type of relationship for people are:

  1. Fear from a broken heart

  2. Past toxic relationship

  3. Unreadiness to commit

  4. No will to have a relationship

  5. Comfort in their single life as it is

Fear from a broken heart.

That is the most common reason for distant commitment. When people experience many one-sided loves and dumping, they have felt too many times hurt and built walls. They expect the next man or woman they meet will reject them too.

Usually, it happens like that. Because what people create in their minds is what they attract. Rejection is not a good thing, but it gives options. Depending on the point of view after the rejection, people see an opportunity to grow or an isolated exit from their future love life.

Choices are made by the individuals, of their own accord.

If persons see the opportunity to grow, they will know what they can do if another rejection happens and get by it easier. Choosing an isolated exit to love life, people make the same mistakes with different partners. Heart always will be broken from smaller or bigger life situations, especially when it comes to love and relationships.

Living together with another person, or dating them, is always a challenge. It needs a lot of work and heart’s walls falling. If opening the heart doesn’t happen, there is no relationship and no commitment.
Every breakup and rejection is hard for people. But without them, a person can not grow and be who is it in the present. I do not mean people should go fast after another partner when their heart is broken or seek someone who breaks their heart.

However, isolating is not the answer.

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Past toxic relationships.

They are a serious reason for the distant commitment. When people are in love, they are blinded.

At first, the meeting with a potential partner is about body chemistry. When the sex desire is consuming, and the two people move in together, problems arise. If they rely only on sexual attraction, it is a matter of time for this aspect to turn their relationship toxic. It may even lead to aggressive sexual abuse or too many quarrels if the body’s needs are not satisfied.

When there is a lack of emotional and communicational bonds, it is easy once strong sexual attraction to turns into toxic and violent abuse.

Partners are so interested only in their bodies that they become obsessive.

When sexual activity is not the same as in the first encounters between the couple, there is a high possibility that leads to abusive extremes in the relationship between both partners.

Sexual tension between two people is a good thing, but not in the long term or when it comes to commitment.

Many people believe that when they have great intimate life every other problem in the relationship between them will be solved.

My last relationship also started as “love at first sight” with too much passion and chemistry. In the end, I lost myself in all the toxic situations I got – from quarrels to unacceptance of myself by the other person.

The lack of emotional communication turns the stones of the relationship that started only from sexual attraction. It makes the once beautiful relationship that filled the partner’s heads with joy and excitement toxic.

Good songs that explain good toxic relationships are Rhianna’s and Eminem’s “Love the way you lie” songs.

Some people are so blindly in love with the illusion or the body of their partner.

They go to an extreme to obsess with their partner because their love is like a sickness.

Some individuals like it, others do not, but the truth is that when there is a past toxic relations experience, there is no such a thing as commitment. The fear is too big.

People hope the same to not happen as in former relationships. That is a huge mistake, and it should be fixed by self-healing or even going to a psychologist.

The former toxic relationships create a stop for the persons to open their hearts and accept eventual new lovers. The trauma is too deep and needs a lot of time to heal. People with past toxic relationships fear being loved in the wrong way and lack self-love. We all know that when there is no self-love is hard to love someone else. It is needed strong encouragement and love to move out from the mindset of past toxic relationships.

Distant commitment in these situations is preferred by the people who do not want a serious relationship because they feel it is safer to commit not in reality.

But, I tell again, the distant commitment outside sincere communication and clear signals is nothing more than just a dream about some spectacular romance found in the books.

Unreadiness to commit.

That is the main reason people choose distant commitment.

Many people grew up in bad family situations. They decide they will not marry and have only fun with other partners. When they feel something more toward a potential date, they run away from responsibility toward the other person.

The reason is they saw how the things between their parents did not work and were fake.

On a subconscious level, the individual fears he makes the same mistake in choosing the wrong partner as the parents and has an unpleasant situation. That makes the person not ready to commit.

Being in distant commitment is intoxicating for unready for commitment people. They can say they have a relationship, are false in their own eyes and the eyes of others, and believe they have someone. In their mind everything is possible.

When they have the time they chat with their crush.

The feeling about it is good because the writing is without sincere care for the needs of another partner. Unreadiness to commit can be gone through if the person wants to try going out of the self-built feeling’s walls. That happens sooner or later, but when the time is too far in the future, the eventual partner from the distant commitment is long gone.

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No will to have a relationship

That is also often met in the present relationship’s situations.

Many people are self-sufficient and do not want a relationship because they do not want to deal with other people’s emotions.

Some of those who do not want a relationship are narcissists, and they look for one only to show themselves they are still wanted and unique.

People who work too much, and have high ambitions, sometimes do not want relationships. They fear they make them distracted.

But, the right partner never will distract the loved one if there is mutual acceptance and understanding.

Some individuals were disappointed in all kinds of relationships so much that they isolate themselves from any human contact. They prefer not to communicate with other people and usually transfer their love to the animals.  

Everyone has been betrayed many times in their lives. It is about the choice to close your mind, heart, and body to others or not.

Relationships – business or emotional, are inevitable, as much as persons run from them. It is better to be accepted.

In the end, all people do in their lives starts and finishes with other’s people participation. For that reason, the distant commitment I speak about is also a safer place for narcissists and people who do not want relationships.

But, at some point, they get tired of this writing and not feeling close to other human bodies. If they do not, well, that is stubbornness and will that made me envious. I tell that again, it is about choices people make daily.

But the real commitment needs two bodies and souls that inspire each other. Just because it is clear that people look for a place they can go into by the psychology.

Comfort in their single life as it is.

People’s single life is a temporary situation in which they need to recollect themselves. Distant commitment is well for a short-term relationship if the two people do not want to go deeper at the moment. But they usually know it is not a real thing, but prefer to stay in distant commitments because they do not want to leave their single life. And that is okay, but only if it is temporary.

Usually, people that broke up go fast into distant commitments to fill the void of last love. They feel treasured and filled with the emotional holes of not being appreciated. They perfectly know that and do not want something more than writing with unknown people. It is like writing psychological talk that makes them feel better.

But they begin to feel emotionally attached, and this can turn the newly found relationship.

The Distant commitment is a good beginning of something serious, but sometimes it can lead to another toxic relationship.

Usually, when two people in distant commitment relations meet, they go for sex most of the time. After that, the relationship goes down to the starting point of the meeting between two strangers. The distant commitment fling finishes as fast as it began. That is not in all cases.

Until the distant commitment lasts, both participants in it may mature and build a strong connection.

In different cases, the distant commitment may turn into a beautiful relationship. That depends on the feelings that are put in it by both partners and the bond they created. The time they spent together is of importance. If it is quality time and they stood by each other’s side in the distant commitment issues.

That transforms the relationship into a strong union between two minds. When the minds are connected, bodies naturally follow that connection. As a romanticist, I can say some distant commitments end like a fairytale. I wish everyone that.

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But what is the difference between distant commitment, casual relationship, and friends with benefits relationship?

You can read a lot about these topics on the Internet. I have read too much about them too, but I do not add sources. I state my opinion.
Distant commitment: I write you when I have time, and I do not care what will happen or when you write me back.

A casual relationship: We always have someone to cuddle, do sex with, and spend time together, but that doesn’t mean I am interested in a commitment to you.

Friends with benefits: We are great friends and meet our needs in sex, but that will not make us lovers or go in the long-term romance run.

The conclusion is that all of these types of relationships have the potential to be true love, soulmates meetings, or even long-time marriages. The components in these relations are how much people want to invest in them as time, feelings, and communication. When starting any kind of relationship, both partners should make clear to each other what they do. They should be clear about how happy are they in their relationships.

Did they overcome the fears that can make them distant?

In my opinion, all these relationships stay fake until both partners do not decide to break up or commit.

Of course, they should spend a lot of time talking to make clear what they want.

Every distant relationship – commitment, casual or beneficial needs to have a deadline. I mean when the relationship will end or be closer in terms of moving to another partner’s life. I know my statement sounds not good, but we all have one life to live to waste it with something illusional.

If we love or like someone, we need to be closer physically. Not for sex, but for a supporting shoulder if the partner needs it.

Even if there is a risk, people should think carefully about what they want from their relationships. Otherwise, both partners will be hurt. I never start a long-distance relationship if I do not intend to make it close to one in a certain period.

But many people keep up with the flow of life.

It is about the choice once again.

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